Hunger Games Meets Facebook
by CorruptedPrincess
Summary: Our favorite Hunger Games characters use Facebook to create couples, help dig each other out of sticky situations and just be all out funny.
1. Mission Hayffie

**_This is probably illegal or something and will get taken down, but I'm on a Hayffie high while I think of ideas for my multi-chapter fic, so here it is._**

* * *

**_Hunger Games Facebook: Mission Hayffie_**

**Haymitch Abernathy is** going to pick up **Effie Trinket** from the Train Station. I fucking hate going out into public.

**_Finnick Odair, Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mellark and 4 others like this._**

**_4 comments_**

**Effie Trinket**: If it bothers you so much, I'll let Peeta pick me up.

**Haymitch Abernathy**: Shut yer trap, Princess. I'm comin'.

**Johanna Mason**: That's what he said...

**Effie Trinket**: Manners, Miss Mason!

* * *

**Effie Trinket is **going to murder your damn geese, **Haymitch Abernathy**!

**_Katniss Everdeen, Cinna, Portia, and 10 others like this._**

**_7 comments._**

**Haymitch Abernathy:** I told you they bite.

**Effie Trinket**: If I'm going to be moving in, you're getting rid of the geese.

**Katniss Everdeen**: You're moving in, **Effie Trinke**t?

**Effie Trinket**: Of course not. I meant visiting.

**Haymitch Abernathy**: I would never let her stay with me, kid. She's annoying.

**Peeta Mellark**: **Effie Trinket** IS MOVING TO TWELVE YAAAAAY

**Haymitch Abernathy**: No, she's not, **Peeta Mellark**. Shut up.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen is feeling** pretty upset that Hayffie isn't a real thing .-.

**_Cinna, Portia, Finnick Odair and 32 others like this._**

**_5 comments_**

**Haymitch Abernathy:** ?

**Finnick Odair**: Hayffie is the couples name for you and **Effie Trinket**. Apparently 36 others think that Hayffie needs to be real.

**Effie Trinket**: ?

**Johanna Mason**: You know, like Joga? Everlark? Odesta? You're just as brainless as the original brainless. - **_Katniss Everdeen likes this comment._**

**Effie Trinke**t: This is absurd!

* * *

**Peeta Mellark is** making a post to support Hayffie! Like this if you think Hayffie should get to together! I got those two to agree on a date if it gets to fifty likes!

**_Finnick Odair, Katniss Everdeen, Cinna, Annie Cresta and 132 others like this._**

**_4 comments._**

**Katniss Everdeen**: How many friends do you have, **Peeta Mellark**?

**Peeta Mellark**: 142. A few people don't like Hayffie, and then Hayffie themselves didn't like the post...

**Katniss Everdeen**: Oh. I have... three hundred. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

**Peeta Mellark**: SHUT UP **Katniss Everdeen**!

* * *

**Haymitch Abernathy and Effie Trinket are now in a relationship.**

**_Katniss Everdeen and 139 others like this._**

**_10 comments._**

**Haymitch Abernathy**: I think we've tortured them enough, princess.

**Effie Trinket**: Oh, and it was just getting good!

**Haymitch Abernathy**: Well, now we're Facebook official. How about that?

**Katniss Everdeen**: Wait you were a couple all along?

**Haymitch Abernathy:** We've been dating since about two years after **Effie** became an escort. We dropped so many subtle hints, you all are idiots.

**Effie Trinket:** The elevators, where we appeared 'looking pleased' as I believe you said it? We were soooo making out.

**Haymitch Abernathy**: I wouldn't call it making out... more like a PG-13 version of dry humping.

**Peeta Mellark**: HAYFFIE IS FACEBOOK OFFICIAL YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

**Cinna**: I believe this calls for a celebration. Party at mine? - **_Effie Trinket, Katniss Everdeen, and 13 others like this._**

**Cinna**: Party at mine it is.


	2. Mission Everlark

**A/N: Alert, I understand that this is probably illegal. I get that. I understand. If it gets taken down, so be it. This is just something to make people laugh. So, enjoy the second installment!**

**Hunger Games Facebook: Mission Everlark**

**Haymitch Abernathy is **driving **Peeta Mellark **to **Katniss Everdeen** house... again. For another date. In which I'll have to chaperone. And probably listen to them fucking or some shit.

**Effie Trinket, Finnick Odair, Annie Cresta and 11 others like this.  
10 comments**

**Effie Trinket: **Eyes on the road!  
**Peeta Mellark: **It's not a date! We're studying!  
**Katniss Everdeen: **And we're not... fracking around.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: '**Uh, uh oh Peeta' sounds a lot like fucking, sweetheart.** \- Johanna Mason and Finnick Odair like this comment.  
Finnick Odair: **Haymitch, stop! Leave them alone. They're making toast!** \- Johanna Mason and Haymitch Abernathy like this comment.  
Gale Hawthorne: **THEY'RE NOT FUCKING BECAUSE SHE STILL LOVES ME  
**Madge Undersee: **GALE.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **GALE.  
**Peeta Mellark: **GALE.  
**Gale Hawthorne: **... what?

* * *

**Peeta Mellark is **wishing that she would realize that everything she's looking for is right here...

**Effie Trinket, Annie Cresta, Delly Cartwright, Madge Undersee and 5 others like this.  
31 comments**

**Effie Trinket: **Oh honey, she will.  
**Peeta Mellark: **How come only girls liked my status?  
**Delly Cartwright: **Because we can relate.** \- Effie Trinket, Annie Cresta, Delly Cartwright and 6 others like this comment.  
Peeta Mellark: **Who do you guys like?  
**Madge Undersee: **Gale.  
**Delly Cartwright: **Thom.  
**Effie Trinket: **You already know.  
**Annie Cresta: **Finnick.  
**Johanna Mason: **Boggs.  
**Portia: **Cinna.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Squirrels.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **Rory.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **No.  
**Glimmer: **Marvel.  
**Clove: **Cato.  
**Gale Hawthorne: **WAIT WUT  
**Thom: **Niiiiice.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **No I DO NOT KNOW YOUNG LADY WHO DO YOU LIKE?  
**Finnick Odair: **Aww, babe.  
**Boggs:** Erm... Soldier Mason... erm... ahem... well... I erm... like you too.  
**Cinna: **Portia! I like you too! Besties forever, right?  
**Portia: ***facepalm*  
**Katniss Everdeen: **SQUIRRELS DON'T HAVE FB.  
**Rory Hawthorne: **Prim. Me. You. Slag heap. Nine o clock. Bring your lipgloss.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **NO.  
**Marvel: **I like you too, Glim-Glam.  
**Glimmer:** *0*  
**Cato: **No.  
**Clove: **Shit.  
**Peeta Mellark: **THIS WAS ORIGINALLY A POST ABOUT MY LOVE FOR KATNISS EVERDEEN WHERE DID THIS ALL GO WRONG.** \- Effie Trinket, Katniss Everdeen, Madge Undersee and 27 others like this comment.  
Katniss Everdeen: **WAIT WUT.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen **just found out that Peeta Mellark has a crush on me. Did anyone else know about this?

**37 comments**

**Peeta Mellark**:*facepalm*  
**Haymitch Abernathy: ***facepalm*  
**Madge Undersee: ***facepalm*  
**Gale Hawthorne: ***facepalm*  
**Effie Trinket: ***facepalm*  
**Cinna: ***facepalm*  
**Portia: ***facepalm*  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Okay, I get it. Everyone knew.  
**Finnick Odair: ***facepalm*  
**Annie Cresta: ***facepalm*  
**Johanna Mason: ***facepalm*  
**Blight: ***facepalm*  
**Wiress: ***facepalm*  
**Beetee: ***facepalm*  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Okay!  
**Primrose Everdeen: ***facepalm*  
**Rory Hawthorne: ***facepalm*  
**Rue: ***facepalm*  
**Vick: ***facepalm*  
**Posy: ***facepalm*  
**Katniss Everdeen: **...  
**Mrs. Everdeen: ***facepalm*  
**Hazelle Hawthorne: ***facepalm*  
**Mr. Everdeen: ***facepalm*  
**Mr. Hawthorne: ***facepalm*  
**Katniss Everdeen: **DAD? UNCLE JIMMY? WUT?  
**Cato: ***facepalm*  
**Glimmer: ***facepalm*  
**Marvel: ***facepalm*  
**Clove: ***facepalm*  
**Thresh: ***facepalm*  
**Foxface: ***facepalm*  
**Katniss Everdeen: **OKAY I GET IT EVERYONE KNEW GOSH  
**Coriolanus Snow: ***facepalm*  
**Alma Coin: ***facepalm*  
**President Paylor: ***facepalm*  
**Katniss Everdeen: **YO CHILLLLLLL

* * *

**Peeta Mellark is **making a public announcement. Katniss Everdeen, I love you. I love your braid, I love your leg hair, I love your eyes, I love everything about you. If you would be my girlfriend that would make me the happiest man alive. Please, Katniss. Be my girlfriend.

**Effie Trinket, Haymitch Abernathy and 142 others like this.**

**Katniss Everdeen: **I don't know...  
**Peeta Mellark: **Please!  
**Gale Hawthorne: **NO!  
**Madge Undersee: **Gale pls  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Gale pls. Peeta, I like you. I do but I'm not ready for a relationship...  
**Gale Hawthorne: **NuuuUUUUuuuUUuuUUuuUUuuUU.  
**Madge Underseee: **GALE PLS.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Oh fine Peeta. I'll give this a chance.  
**Gale Hawthorne: **KATNISS PLS  
**Peeta Mellark: **REALLY?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Yes.  
**Peeta Mellark: ***faints of happiness*

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen **and** Peeta Mellark **are now in a relationship.

**Primrose Everdeen, Rory Hawthorne and 1,345 others like this.  
5 comments**

**Effie Trinket: **Awwwwww  
**Gale Hawthorne: **Nooooooo  
**Madge Undersee: **Gale pls  
**Cinna: **Another party at mine?** \- Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mellark, Portia and 52 others like this comment  
****Cinna: **Party!


	3. Operation Joggs

**A/N: Is this oneshot becoming a story? *shrugs* prolly. Either way, I present to you the third installment of HGMFB. Just to let you know, Hayffie and Everlark are my favorite so the chapters will be a pattern of Hayffie or Everlark.**

**Hunger Games Facebook: Operation Joggs**

**Johanna Mason is **really fucking pissed right now. Let me tell you a thing about these assholes **Haymitch Abernathy** and **Finnick Odair**. I'm out, right, throwing axes and having a good time. Haymitch and Finnick are making jokes and talking about their stupid fucking girlfriends. Boggs passes by, he's training, he's not wearing a shirt, and I'm like 'fuck yes'. So I'm staring at him, and guess what? I miss my target! Fuck you **Haymitch Abernathy**. And fuck you too, **Finnick Odair**.

**Boggs, Katniss Everdeen and 10 others like this.**  
**13 comments**

**Haymitch Abernathy: **Why is this my fault?  
**Finnick Odair: **And why are you so upset about missing a target, Jo?  
**Johanna Mason: **It's your fault because I refuse to admit it was my fault... which it wasn't. Besides, I never miss. So yeah. Still. Fuck you.  
**Boggs: **Soldier Mason, if you want, I will train with my shirt on.  
**Johanna Mason:** NO.** \- Effie Trinket, Katniss Everdeen, Clove and 20 others like this comment.  
Haymitch Abernathy: **What the fuck, Effs?  
**Peeta Mellark: **KATNISS.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **If you see a man as fine as Boggs training, you really gonna be mad that he's not wearing a shirt? I don't care who I'm dating, Boggs is one pretty piece of... well you get it.  
**Effie Trinket: **Haymitch you are a wonderful man, lover and you are handsome. But Boggs outranks you. Definitely.  
**Johanna Mason: **Hey you two. You got boyfriends. Back off before I put my axe in your face.  
**Boggs: **Heh... thank you ladies... and, thank you, Miss Mason. I have been meaning to ask if you would like to go... er... on a date.  
**Johanna Mason:** All hells of yeah.** \- Haymitch Abernathy, Peeta Mellark, Finnick odair and 20 others like this comment.  
Finnick Odair: **He's taken, ladies. So back off... AND GO HOME TO YOUR BOYFRIENDS.

* * *

**Peeta Mellark is **just thinking and did anyone notice how easy it was for Boggs and Johanna to hook up? Because really, it took Katniss and I almost like seven whole FB posts, 123 study dates and 11 years. It took Haymitch and Effie like 5 FB posts, 15 years of working together, and 2 victors to even become Facebook Official... I just thinks something is definetly up.

**Katniss Everdeen, Haymitch Abernathy, Effie Trinket and 13 others like this.  
10 comments**

**Katniss Everdeen: **I noticed that too... I mean, Haymitch and Effie were already dating and they still took awhile to become FB official. Also, you misspelled definitely.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Commitment scares me. Anyways, I also saw that... ready to do some snooping?  
**Peeta Mellark:** I think more is going on between them... I think they've been dating longer then they let on and they're just pulling our tail...  
**Effie Trinket: **Or maybe they're not stubborn like the rest of us and they haven't been dating but they realized their feelings and they don't need other people meddling in their business for them to love each other.  
**Katniss Everdeen:** BAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA.** \- Haymitch Abernathy and Peeta Mellark like this.  
Effie Trinket: **You guys are going to axes in your foreheads. Count me and Haymitch out.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Wait wut. You don't own me.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Count me out.  
**Peeta Mellark: **It took him approxiamately 11 minutes to answer... what do you think she did to him?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **I dunno. Stuff, prolly.

* * *

**Boggs just **had a lovely date with Johanna. She's such an extraordinary young woman. Ladies, I'm sorry, but I'm sold.

**Johanna Mason, Haymitch Abernathy, Peeta Mellark and 13 others like this.  
17 comments**

**Johanna Mason: **Fuck. Yes.  
**Effie Trinket: **Damnit.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **DAMNIT EFFIE.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Fuck.  
**Peeta Mellark: **DAMNIT KATNISS.  
**Annie Cresta: **Aw man.  
**Finnick Odair: **ANNIE WHY  
**Glimmer: **Motherfucking SHIT  
**Marvel: **DAMNIT GLIMMER  
**Coriolanus Snow: **.-.  
**Seneca Crane: **DAMNIT SNOW  
**Boggs: **Wait... you two... are... ahem...  
**Coriolanus Snow: **Oh heavens no! I just wanted to join the party.  
**Seneca Crane: **Same.  
**Effie Trinket: **My ex-boyfriend just pretended to date our ex-President so he could be in on a joke. That's the best sentence I've ever put together.  
**Seneca Crane: **DAMNIT EFFIE.  
**Boggs: **This comment section is getting out of hand...

* * *

**Johanna Mason **and** Boggs **are now in a relationship.

**Haymtich Abernathy, Finnick Odair, Marvel, Peeta Mellark and 29 others like this.  
27 comments**

**Katniss Everdeen: **OH FUCK THIS.  
**Johanna Mason: **BOOYAH.  
**Peeta Mellark: **WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME KATNISS?  
**Gale Hawthorne: **Well at least she doesn't like Peeta.  
**Boggs: **I also think it's time everyone knew my first name.  
**Alma Coin: **You have a first name?  
**Boggs: **Yes ma'am I do.  
**Johanna Mason: **Can I tell them?  
**Boggs: **If you want, love.  
**Johanna Mason: **His first name is... drumroll please... Corriden Boggs.  
**Glimmer: **Shit, the name is sexy.  
**Finnick Odair: **I am not used to not being the sexiest man in the room...  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Go on, Effie. I know you want to say it.  
**Effie Trinket: **Not really, no. They're facebook official, Haymitch. I have to respect that he's taken.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **YOU COULDNT RESPECT THE FACT THAT YOU WERE MARRIED THOUGH  
**Effie Trinket: **He'll never let me live this down...  
**Coriolanus Snow: **BUT HE'S REALLY CUTE THOUGH LIKE I'M NOT EVEN FAKING IT THIS TIME.  
**Seneca Crane: **AND THAT NAME WILL BRING ALL THE BOYS AND GIRLS TO THE YARD. EVERYONE TO BOGGS HOUSE. WE'RE GONNA GO STAND IN HIS YARD.  
**Boggs: **Please don't...  
**Johanna Mason: **If they do, they die.** \- Boggs likes this comment.  
Katniss Everdeen: **I say every girl deprived of kissing Boggs should get to kiss him.  
**Effie Trinket:** Agreed.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **WHAT HAPPENED TO RESPECT?  
**Effie Trinker: **IF THERE'S A CHANCE I GET TO KISS BOGGS THERE IS NO RESPECT.  
**Peeta Mellark: **KATNISS PLS.  
**Johanna Mason: **ANY OF YOU TOUCH MY MAN, YOU DIE. NO EXCEPTIONS.** \- Boggs likes this comment.  
Glimmer: **Fine. Jeez.


	4. You ARE the Father

**Hunger Games Facebook: You ARE The Father**

**Effie Trinket is **not talking to Haymitch. He ran over my cat. Poor Snuffles, she didn't even see him coming. He killed my cat. He will never be forgiven.

**Johanna Mason, Annie Cresta, Finnick Odair and 17 others like this.****  
20 comments**

**Haymtich Abernathy:** I said I was sorry. We'll get you a new cat, promise.  
**Effie Trinket: **IT'S NOT THE SAME.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **How did he kill your cat?  
**Effie Trinket: **With that big massive hunk of metal of his.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **She's talking about my Ford.  
**Peeta Mellark: **Haymitch, you can't kill a woman's cat.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **If it makes you feel better, Katniss tried to kill Buttercup too. I think it runs in the blood.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **What are you talking about? Haymitch and I are not blood related...  
**Mr. Everdeen: **Darnit, Prim.  
**Mrs. Everdeen: **Do we tell her?  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **What are y'all blabbering about?  
**Effie Trinket: **This was a post about my cat!  
**Primrose Everdeen: **Haymitch could be your dad, Katniss. You didn't know?  
**Katniss Everdeen**:... No he's not. Haymitch and I aren't related.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **And I don't have kids.  
**Mrs. Everdeen: **Haymitch, think real hard. It was after the... 58th Games. It me, you, Hazelle, Jimmy and Aven. We were playing 7 minutes in heaven and we were pretty drunk...  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **...  
**Effie Trinket: **Something you want to tell me?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **What the hell is going on here?  
**Effie Trinket: **OKAY EVERYONE EVACUATE THE CAT POST. I'LL MAKE ANOTHER WE CAN DISCUSS ON.

* * *

**Effie Trinket was with Katniss Everdeen, Haymitch Abernathy, Primrose Everdeen and 2 others - **Okay here.

**16 comments**

**Haymitch Abernathy: **It was just kissing.  
**Mrs. Everdeen: **Don't lie to yourself.  
**Effie Trinket: **The 58th Hunger Games? I became escort like, 2 years later.  
**Mrs. Everdeen: **What does that have to do with anything?  
**Effie Trinket: **Nothing. I just put it out there.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Mom? Dad? Haymitch?  
**Mr. Everdeen: **I may or may not be your father, Katniss. We never found out.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **I didn't even know there was a chance you were mine.  
**Mrs. Everdeen: **Let's go get a DNA test.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **Let's go on Maury!  
**Mrs. Everdeen: **No.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **Bill Cunningham?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Who?  
**Primrose Everdeen: **Steve Wilkos?  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Oh god, I hate that guy.  
**Effie Trinket: **Everyone gather at my place at around... six? We'll do the test there.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen **might have to change my name to Katniss Abernathy. This is not okay.

**Peeta Mellark and 5 others like this**  
**15 comments.**

**Peeta Mellark: **It'd be hillarious if your mentor was your dad all along.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **No it wouldn't.  
**Thresh: **What are you going to do if he is your dad?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Become Katniss Abernathy, I guess. Become a drunk. Be a mentor. The Abernathy business.  
**Effie Trinket: **That is not the Abernathy business. And that was not a good Supernatural reference.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **This makes Effie my step mom. I can totes burn her on the ceiling.  
**Peeta Mellark: **The Girls on Fire.  
**Effie Trinket: **Look, even if he is your father, it doesn't change anything. You're still you, Katniss. Whether you have Abernathy or Everdeen blood.  
**Cato: **Except for the fact that you're gonna die.  
**Effie Trinket: **What?  
**Cato: **Everything Haymitch loves, dies.  
**Effie Trinket: **Not really.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Says the kid that was mauled to death by mutts.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **BUUUUUUUUUUUURN.

* * *

**Haymitch Abernathy is **NOT THE FATHER. NOT THE FATHER. NOT THE FATHER. FUCK YEAH. I AM A FREE MAN. WHOOOOO HOOOOOO.

**Finnick Odair, Gale Hawthorne and 32 others like this.**  
**12 comments.**

**Katniss Everdeen:** Gee thanks.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Sorry, sweetheart. But do you know how much back child support that would be?  
**Mrs. Everdeen: **Do you hear that Aven? She's yours.  
**Mr. Everdeen: **Oh, sweet. Years of my life weren't wasted.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **Oh nice. We're bio-sisters.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **I have no children. Score.  
**Effie Trinket: **Right... no children...  
**Peeta Mellark: **He deserves to know.  
**Effie Trinket: **Haymitch... I'm pregnant.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **I WAS THIS CLOSE TO HAVING ANOTHER SIBLING. I AM A FREE GIRL. WHOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **Ouch...  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Fuck you, kid. Not you, Prim. Katniss.


	5. That Awkward Moment

**Hunger Games Facebook: That Awkward Moment...**

**Cato ****is **catching feelz and not okay with it :|

**Clove, Rue, Thresh, Foxface and 114 others like this.  
10 comments**

**Cato: **Whoa, a lot of people caught feels.  
**Rue: **No, a lot of people only like your statuses because you're handsome.  
**Thresh: **WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT BEING HANDSOME? HUH? HUH?  
**Rue: **Thresh, I'll be fourteen in two months. I think I know a small inkling of something about boys.  
**Thresh: **I don't like it. Anyways, who are you catching feels for 2?  
**Cato: **You'll laugh**.  
Rue: **No I won't. I can't laugh. I'm techinically not even real. Just a figment of the readers imagination.  
**Thresh: **RUE. STOP BREAKING THE 4TH WALL.  
**Rue: **Right. Okay, inbox me, Cato.  
**Cato: **K.

* * *

**Rue is **LOLING SO HARD. OH MY GOD. **CATO**. THAT'S GROSS. THEY'RE LIKE, 30 THOUSANDS YEARS OLD.

**Thresh, Cato and 5 others like this.  
17 comments**

**Katniss Everdeen:** What are you talking about?  
**Rue:** You wouldn't believe who Cato has a crush on!  
**Cato:** RUE SHUT UP BEFORE YOU SPILL THE BEANS  
**Glimmer:** Who?  
**Clove:** Oh, this better be good.  
**Rue:** It is.  
**Glimmer:** WHO?  
**Cato:** NO ONE.  
**Rue:** Oh my god, do they know?  
**Cato:** No. No, they don't.  
**Rue:** Can I tell?  
**Katniss Everdeen:** What's going on?  
**Cato:** Nothing fire girl. Mind your own  
**Katniss Everdeen:** Just tell me.  
**Cato:** NO ONE.  
**Rue:** Inbox me.  
**Katniss Everdeen:** Alrighty then.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen is **CHOKING OF LAUGHTER. OMG **CATO** YOU SHOULD TOTES TELL THEM. I'M SURE THEY'LL UNDERSTAND.

**Rue, Peeta Mellark, Thresh and 19 others like this  
****25 comments**

**Cato: **Omg pls stop  
**Clove: **Who is it?  
**Primrose Everdeen: **What's happening?  
**Cato: **Nothing.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Cato has a crush.  
**Clove: **I want to know who is so special that you turned me of all people down.  
**Cato:** No one. I don't have a crush. I shouldn't of mentioned it.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Give them a hint, Cato.  
**Cato: **Omg okay so they may or may not live in District None of Your Business  
**Coriolanus Snow: **Enlighten us, Mr. Ludwig.  
**Cato: **Ew, don't say my last name. It's gross.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Just say their District.  
**Cato: **No, it's nothing. Forget it.  
**Rue: **You tell them or I do.  
**Peeta Mellark: **What's going on here?  
**Cato: **Nothing, stay out of this Lover Boy.  
**Peeta Mellark: **Katniss?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Cato is crushing hard but he won't tell them because he thinks they can't return the feelings.  
**Cato: **Omg  
**Peeta Mellark: **I'm sure if you tell them, they'll understand wholeheartedly and be willing to negotiate a romance.  
**Cato: **Pls stop  
**Rue: **Worst case scenerio they hate your rotten guts.  
**Cato: **Y u do dis?  
**Clove: **Tell them. Or whatever.  
**Cato: **Omg ok** \- Katniss Everdeen, Rue, Peeta Mellark and 4 others like this comment.**

* * *

**Cato is **crushing hard on **Thresh**. There. It's out in the open.

**Katniss Everdeen, Rue and 2 others like this.**  
**18 comments**

**Thresh: **Lol wut  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Thresh, you mean to tell me you don't like him back?  
**Cato: **No it's okay bro you don't have to it's cool  
**Thresh: **I just wish you would have told me...  
**Cato: **Yeah, I wish I would have told you too. Sorry to put you on blast like that.  
**Thresh: **Inbox me.  
**Cato: Oh, okay.  
Katniss Everdeen: **What do you think is going on in there, Rue?  
**Rue: **I don't know.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **I hope they work things out.  
**Rue: **Same.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **I mean, I'm not romantic or anything but I just think everyone deserves a happy ending, you know?  
**Rue: **Yup.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **What's wrong?  
**Rue: **Nothing.  
**Katniss Everdeen:** Well somethings wrong.  
**Rue: **It's nothing, really. It's just... I'm worried about Thresh. Our parents don't exactly approve of girls and girls or boys and boys.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Everything will be fine! Don't worry about it.

* * *

**Thresh **and** Cato **are now in a relationship

**Katniss Everdeen, Rue and 2 others like this.  
14 comments**

**Katniss Everdeen: **Whoop whoop.  
**Rue: **Have you noticed that everytime someone logs on Facebook, they wind up getting a spouse?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **It's like every chapter.  
**Thresh: **Fourth. Wall.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Right**.  
Cato: **So... we're excited. Life has a ton planned for us, you know? I look forward to this thing we have, Thresh.  
**Thresh: **Oh, yeah, definitely. I can't wait.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Wait a minute...  
**Thresh: **Uh... what?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **THAT SNEAKY BASTARD.  
**Cato: **What's going on?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **The writer is setting us up for Valentine's Day! It's in like, a month or something.  
**Thresh: **FOURTH WALL. FUCKING SHIT YOU TWO THERE IS A FOURTH WALL THAT WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BREAK. GOSH, YOU'RE SO STUPID.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **I'll leave you two love birds alone...

* * *

**So the jig is up: I'm setting up the chapters for romance now so I don't have to do it in Feburary. Only a few of my favorite parings will get chappies about their romance with occasional interludes for other comedy.**

**I want to do something about Character A meeting Character B's parents and it all going to hell. What couple should I use?**

**Thrato?  
Everlark?  
Hayffie?  
Prory?  
Joggs?**

**You decide!**


	6. Uh-Oh!

**Hunger Games Facebook: Uh-oh!**

**Finnick Odair is **locked in Annie's bathroom sobbing. Annie's parents wanted to meet me so I came over for dinner. Well, I already messed up by nearly hitting her brother in the street, but then I was setting the table and got distracted and dropped all the fine china. Not to mention that I sort of accidentally called Annie's mom old and I ripped Mr. Odairs favorite shirt.

**Haymitch Abernathy, Boggs, Thresh, Cato and 10 others like this**  
**14 comments**

**Annie Cresta: **Finn, they love you! Just relax.  
**Finnick Odair: **No, no, I'm a horrible boyfriend. I'm sorry, babe.  
**Annie Cresta: **You're fine! Relax.  
**Finnick Odair: **Oh god.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **What happened now?  
**Finnick Odair: **Oh dear jesus  
**Annie Cresta: **It's not... that bad.  
**Finnick Odair: **Oh no no no no no.  
**Peeta Mellark: **What. Happened?  
**Finnick Odair:** I hit her sister.  
**Annie Cresta: **Not really. He tapped her gently with the back of her car...  
**Finnick Odair: **HER LEG IS BROKEN.  
**Annie Cresta:**...  
**Katniss Everdeen: **lmbo

* * *

**Effie Trinket is **reading Finnick's peril and deciding to share my own stories about Haymitch meeting my parents. What with the baby and the marriage, we both figured that a visit to the parents was long overdue. So we packed up and flew to the Capitol. When we got to the Cabin house, Haymitch was unloading the bags. I went inside to retrieve my family while he did that. I brought my brother, sister, and my five to six year old nieces out to a vulgar string of words. They to this day, have not stopped cursing. It's not as bad as hitting someone with a car, but now they have been suspended and almost expelled several times.

**Johanna Mason, Finnick Odair, Katniss Everdeen and 34 others like this.**  
**7 comments**

**Haymitch Abernathy: **Effie no.  
**Seneca Crane: **Effie yes. What happened then?  
**Effie Trinket: **The rest of the trip went smoothly until about the night before we left. Haymitch and I had been practicing celibacy during the time we were with my family - we didn't want them to get the wrong idea. But I guess he couldn't take it any longer, because he snuck into my room wearing nothing but his birthday suit and whispering all sorts of insinuations.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Effie pls.  
**Effie Trinket: **My niece and I were in my room, painting our nails. She's 12.  
**Seneca Crane: **lmfao  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Oh shut up, Seneca.

* * *

**Peeta Mellark **after hearing about both Haymitch and Finnick's atrocious fails at meeting their spouses parents, I'd like to share my own tales of woe. Katniss and I decided that it would be a good idea to officially meet each others parents. Every thing went off perfectly with her family, so I thought this was a good idea. Everything was fine with my dad and brothers, my mom was just being... reluctant. She kept muttering things under her breath about Katniss. To her credit, Katniss didn't do or say anything. But when she called her mom a 'merchie slut'. Let's just say my mother is one finger short.

**Haymitch Abernathy, Primrose Everdeen, Mr. Everdeen, Mrs. Everdeen and 29 others like this.**  
**6 comments**

**Katniss Everdeen: **I said I was sorry.  
**Peeta Mellark: **No you're not.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **I am. I'm sorry your mother ever crossed me.  
**Mrs. Mellark: **Seam trash.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **You want to lose another finger?  
**Mrs. Mellark: **You have my blessing.

* * *

**Boggs is** worried for Johanna. We recently just did the whole official thing and so I took her to meet _my_ family. She actually wore a dress! So, we get to my parents place and my nephew and my brother are already waiting there. We all settle down, are having a nice dinner, when my mother brings up the subject of having more grandchildren. Johanna freaks out, starts screaming about how she's not just some tool to pop out babies with and storms out really upset. Suggestions?

**Haymitch Abernathy, Finnick Odair, Thresh and 13 others like this.**  
**10 comments**

**Effie Trinket: **Johanna is extremely afraid of children. You know, the whole sending them off to die yearly thing?  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Also, President Snow once pressured her to have Victor's children. So he could send them to the arena.  
**Coriolanus Snow: **True dat.  
**Finnick Odair: **In fact, he pressured all the Victors to do it. Especially with Capitolites, so that there'd be a bit of controversy. Johanna had a few... choice buyers that wanted to father her child.  
**Effie Trinket: **Exactly. So, this wasn't really a bad parental meeting, just a fearful girl.  
**Boggs:** Oh. Hey, Snow?  
**Coriolanus Snow: **Myes, Mr. Boggs?  
**Boggs:** I'm coming to kick your ass. Be there in 10.  
**Johanna Mason: **Aww... that's so sweet of you honey.

* * *

**Cato **can't relate to these stories because Thresh met my parents and it was awesome.

**Thresh, Rue, Annie Cresta and 123 others like this.**  
**17 comments**

**Thresh: **Yup.  
**Effie Trinket: **No wearing his birthday suit in front of your niece?  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Effie. You need to let it go.  
**Cato: **No.  
**Annie Cresta: **No running over your sister?  
**Finnick Odair: **Omg Annie-kins pls  
**Cato: **I don't have a sister.  
**Peeta Mellark: **No chopping off your mother's finger?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **She was cruisin' for a brusin'.  
**Cato: **Nah**.  
Boggs: **No screaming bloody murder about children even though it wasn't his fault?  
**Johanna Mason: **Boggs. Pls.  
**Cato: **No, not that I know of.  
**Rue: **They really are... the perfect couple.  
**Cato: **Prolly.  
**Rue: **We must elimate the threat.  
**Thresh: **Wut** \- Cato likes this comment.**

* * *

**Plot For The Next Chapter:**

**Person A gets into a fight/argument with Person B and the other characters have to resolve it. Here are the names of people I kind of wanted to argue/fight, but you can also add different ideas. **

_**1\. Boggs/Snow  
2\. Haymitch/Brutus  
****3\. Katniss/Johanna  
4\. Peeta/Gale  
5\. Effie/Portia  
6\. Finnick/Cato  
7\. Thresh/Clove  
8\. Rue/Prim**_

**Also, I don't know if this is a story or if this is something I'm doing until I get bored of it. That also means I don't know where this is going or what I'm doing with it. Maybe I'll turn it from Facebook to a chatroom or maybe I'll use actual story format. We'll see, yeah? But leave your comments or opinions down below and we'll take it from there.**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing and following and favoriting. It's nice to bring a little laughter out to the world. And erm, sorry if this one wasn't as funny. I am extremely tired because I'm just returning back to school, so the hilarity may or may not be a little less thought out when I'm not on break. Sorry .-.**

**Alright, R&amp;R please! Thank you!**


	7. Goddamnit Boggs

**Hunger Games Facebook: Goddamnit Boggs.**

**Boggs is **currently fuming. Goddamnit, Snow. I tried to play nice, tried to be a good soldier and not use my combat skills for matters of personal distress but THIS. THIS is the last straw. Why? What possessed you? What the hell made you even want to do something like that. Haymitch, Finnick, you are my closest friends. So I tag you in this, but I also make it a public announcement. Be prepared to bail be out of jail. - with Johanna Mason, Coriolanus Snow, Haymitch Abernathy and 1 other.

**Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mellark, Johanna Mason and 17 others like this.**  
**4 comments**

**Haymitch Abernathy:** What happened? What's going on?  
**Finnick Odair:** Omg Boggs don't do anything stupid.  
**Haymitch Abernathy:** This was posted an hour ago. Let's go, maybe we still have time to stop him.  
**Finnick Odair:** I doubt it. Let's go anyways.

* * *

**Finnick Odair is feeling - freaked out! **Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Oh motherfucking shit. **Boggs**. What the hell man? Not cool, not cool, not cool.

**Haymitch Abernathy like this**  
**3 comments**

**Annie Cresta:** What's going on?  
**Annie Cresta:** Finnick, I've been texting, messaging and kiking you for an hour. Answer me, goddamnit. I'm worried.  
**Katniss Everdeen:** Now I'm curious. I'm coming over, Finn.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen is** going to vomit. Oh my god. BOGGS. That's totally not okay. What made you do that? Whatever Snow did couldn't have been THAT bad!

**Finnick Odair, Haymitch Abernathy, and 4 others like this.**  
**7 comments**

**Peeta Mellark:** What? What happened?  
**Peeta Mellark:** Answer me, **Katniss**, I'm worried.  
**Peeta Mellark:** Annie, have you gotten an answer from Finnick?  
Annie Cresta: Nope. What about you, **Effie**?  
**Effie Trinket:** Is something happening? I have just gotten off work. I'll text Haymitch.  
**Effie Trinket:** No answer. Should we go over there?  
**Katniss Everdeen:** NO. STAY THERE. IT'S TOO MUCH. TOO UNBEARABLE. YOU CAN'T COME. PLEASE DON'T COME. **\- Haymitch Abernathy, Finnick Odair, and 1 other like this comment.**

* * *

**Johanna Mason **I love my honey-bear, I do. But even I know that was too far. There's a line to draw, babe and you crossed it.

**Katniss Everdeen, Haymitch Abernathy, Finnick Odair and 1 other like this.**  
**4 comments**

**Annie Cresta:** OH MY PANEM WHAT HAPPENED?  
**Peeta Mellark:** It can't be good... I hope everyone is alright.  
**Annie Cresta:** Same here.  
**Effie Trinket:** Haymitch literally just called me saying that if I went he'd never forgive me. What's going on? Guys, text or call me.

* * *

**Thresh **just found out about what happened with Boggs and Snow. Boggs, I hate the guy's guts but you don't do that. You don't... that's not... Cato, babe, promise me you'll never do that.

**Cato, Katniss Everdeen, Finnick Odair and 2 others like this.**  
**12 comments**

**Cato:** What are you talking about?  
**Cato:** What's going on?  
**Rue:** Oh it's gruesome.  
**Primrose Everdeen:** It's so terribly sad that I actually feel bad for Snow.  
**Thresh:** They're still picking up the remains.  
**Effie Trinket:** REMAINS?! WHAT REMAINS?!  
**Johanna Mason:** Katniss broke down into tears. Katniss of all people.  
**Boggs:** He needed to learn NOT to fuck with my girl or my family.  
**Finnick Odair:** But that... that's not okay, Boggs. Not. Okay.  
**Haymitch Abernathy:** I wouldn't do that to another mans... oh, I get sick thinking about it.  
**Seneca Crane:** HOW COULD YOU?!  
**Annie Cresta:** Well someone tell me what's going on? - Peeta Mellark, Cato and 1 other like this comment.

* * *

**Coriolanus Snow **thank you, to the four people that sent me heart warming get well soon messages. Although my heart is broken, my bones are not. I am perfectly alright. Except for the fact that my brand new Xbox One will never be able to function again. Boggs smashed it to shreds before I could save. I had already beaten the game and everything. Corriden Boggs will never be forgiven. He will repent for his sins one day. My Xbox... she'll be remembered. *three fingered salute*

**Katniss Everdeen, Johanna Mason, Haymitch Abernathy, Finnick Odair and 5 others like this.**  
**16 comments**

**Katniss Everdeen:** Yes, she will. *three fingered salute*  
**Johanna Mason:** Gone, but not forgotten.  
**Finnick Odair:** May she rest not in pieces, but in peace.  
**Haymitch Abernathy:** My heart and prayers go out to you.  
**Rue:** Your family is in my thoughts.  
**Primrose Everdeen:** I do hope the cruel bastard that did this will pay.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **PRIM.  
**Primrose Everdeen:** Sorry.  
**Thresh:** It'll be okay, man. We'll get you through this.  
**Seneca Crane:** She'll be remembered. Not by how she died, but by how she lived.  
**Annie Cresta:** Are you... serious?  
**Effie Trinket:** I thought someone was dead... or brutally hurt!  
**Peeta Mellark:** All this over a gaming console?  
**Boggs:** It's materialistic. Replacable. I beat the shit out of him and we're worried about an Xbox here? Priorities?  
**Cato:** You had me worried sick over this?  
**Katniss Everdeen:** YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. YOU DON'T GET US. YOU NEVER WILL. SHE WAS A GOOD SOUL. SHE DID NOTHING TO DESERVE BOGGS' BARBARIC WAYS. - **Haymitch Abernathy, Johanna Mason and 7 others like this comment.**

* * *

**Again, sorry for the lack of comedy. I write these a night, a couple of minutes before I go to bed, to ease my mind and wash away the stress. And I also said in the last chapter that I'm really tired. But, that's no excuse not to give it my all. I hope you got at least a chuckle out of this. I don't think I'll try to go very far with these - they're a lot more difficult to write than you think. But it's FRIYAY! (Yes, Friyay. It's a school thing) so I'll be cranking two more out this weekend. Maybe three or four if I push it. **

**So, I'm actually going to surprise you with the plot for the next one. You'll just have to wait and see.**

**Thanks for reading, R&amp;R please!**


	8. Chatroom

**Hunger Games Facebook: Chatroom**

**Katniss: **MockingjayOnFire**  
Peeta: **BakerOnFire**  
Effie: **LipstickPrincess**  
Haymitch: **AlcoholicMastermind**  
Gale: **IMSTILLINLOVEWITHKATNISS**  
Madge: **GalePls**  
Cato: **Catostrophic**  
****Thresh: **ForceLine**  
Prim: **ButtercupisLife**  
Rue: **WonderfullySneaky**  
Finnick: **SexPistol  
**Annie: **FinIsLife  
**Johanna: **DementedAxeQueen  
**Boggs: **CommanderMason  
**Snow: **LOLKatnissShouldDie  
**Seneca: **BeardedGamemaker  
**Cinna: **FireStylist  
**Portia: **CinnasBestFriend

* * *

**MockingjayOnFire: **Oh my god, you guys got Panem Chat too?

**CommanderMason: **Yup. I saw it in the appstore and I got it.

**IMSTILLINLOVEWITHKATNISS: **This is sweet.

**GalePls: **Hello all.

**BakerOnFire: **Okay, should we introduce ourselves?

**MockingjayOnFire: **I think it's obvious.

**FinIsLife: **This is cool... so what's going on with everyone?

**SexPistol: **REMEMBER THE PARTY? OMG.

**FinIsLife: **Oh yeah. The party.

**LipstickPrincess: **Oh, that was so fun!

**LOLKatnissShouldDie:** A party? Was I not invited?

**BeardedGamemaker: **Same?

**CinnasBestFriend: **Welll...

**MockingjayOnFire: **lol remember when Cato did that thing?

**Catostrophic: **omg no

**ForceLine: **Bahahahhaahahaha. I'm still crying in laughter.

**LOLKatnissShouldDie: **Wait, what thing?

**AlcoholicMastermimd: **And remember Peeta's reaction?

**Catostrophic: **Oh yeah. He looked like he'd seen a ghost.

**BakerOnFire: **Well, I sure had seen something...

**DementedAxeQueen: **My favorite part had to be the events of spin the bottle.

**FireStylist: **Still crying over spin the bottle.

**CommanderMason: **Everyone was so mad.

**DementedAxeQueen: **Well, I would be mad too if I had to trade spit with _LipstickPrincess. _

**AlcoholicMastermind: **I'd rather drag my balls through thirty miles of glass than 'trade spit' with you, Johanna.

**DementedAxeQueen: **Fight me on it.

**MockingjayOnFire: **See, everyone was _really_ mad.

**LOLKatnissShouldDie: **WHAT HAPPENED?

**SexPistol: **Fave part, anyone else?

**MockingjayOnFire: **I'd have to say it would be when we went streaking. Well... not me, but you five know who you are.

**LOLKatnissShouldDie: **Streaking? Wut?

**DementedAxeQueen: **Lol. All the boys were pretty happy, I'd say.

**IMSTILLINLOVEWITHKATNISS: **I ain't mad.

**Catostrophic: **Pfft...

**FireStylist: **Even I had a mildly okay time.

**LOLKatnissShouldDie: **DON'T TELL ME. FINE. I HATE ALL OF YOU. I'LL KILL YOUR FAMILIES.

_**LOLKatnissShouldDie has left the chat**_

**BeardedGamemaker:** I agree with Snow.

_**BeardedGamemaker has left the chat**_

**SexPistol: **Bahahaha. There was no party. We all stayed in last night.

**MockingjayOnFire: **Peeta and I went for a walk and then he painted me.

**BakerOnFire: **It was such a nice painting.

**SexPistol: **I took Annie to some new expensive restauraunt.

**FinisLife: **Best night ever. Oh, their Creme A La Mode... to die for.

**SexPistol: **Right.

**Catostrophic: **I played video games until like, seven in the morning.

**ForceLine: **Yeah, and I took Rue and Prim for icecream.

**ButtercupisLife: **Mmm, Cookies 'n' Cream.

**WonderfullySneaky: **Mmm. Strawberry.

**CommanderMason: **I went shopping for clothes because all of my clothes are torn.

**MockingjayOnFire:** How?

**DementedAxeQueen:** Sex. Vicious. Rough. Sex.

**MockingjayOnFire:** THE CHILDREN.

**FinisLife:** I'm sorry she asked...

**WonderfullySneaky:** Same.

**DementedAxeQueen: **ANYWAYS. I went with his sister-in-law to a movie. We saw Evil Dead.

**AlcoholicMastermind: **I stayed in, ordered a pizza and played video games.

**LipstickPrincess: **And I went out and got my nails done!

**FireStylist: **Well, Portia and I actually went to a party.

**CinnasBestFriend: **Costume Party.

**MockingjayOnFire: **What were your costumes?

**FireStylist: **My girlfriend and I went as zombies.

**CinnasBestFriend: **And I went as... wait for it... Cinna's Best Friend. Third Wheel. I WAS LITERALLY A WHEEL BECAUSE HIS DICK GIRLFRIEND DIDN'T WANT ME TO MATCH THEM. FUCKING SHIT.

_**CinnasBestFriend has left the chat**_

**FireStylist: **I wonder if she's okay...

**MockingjayOnFire: **Girlfriend?

**FireStylist: **Venia.

**SexPistol: **Who?

**FireStylist: **We've been dating for like, 3 years. I got her the job on my prep team... WE'VE LITERALLY MADE OUT IN FRONT OF YOU?

**BakerOnFire: **Doesn't ring a bell.

**FireStylist: **Blue hair? Golden tattoos?

**ISTILLLOVEKATNISS: **Wut

**FireStylist: **You people.

_**FireStylist has left the chat**_

**MockingjayOnFire: **Welp, I have to go hunt Rory.

**ButtercupisLife: **I have to go save Rory.

**ISTILLLOVEKATNISS: **I have to go save my brother's ass.

**GalePls: **I have to go win Gale's heart. Bye you all.

_**GalePls has left the chat**_

_**MockingjayOnFire has left the chat**_

_**ButtercupisLife has left the chat**_

_**ISTILLLOVEKATNISS has left the chat**_

**CommanderMason: **Imma go make out with my girlfriend.

**DementedAxeQueen: **Imma go suck face with my boyfriend.

_**DementedAxeQueen has left the chat**_

_**CommanderMason has left the chat**_

**LipstickPrincess:** Haymitch.

**AlcoholicMastermind: **You don't have to tell me twice, princess.

_**LipstickPrincess has left the chat**_

_**AlcoholicMastermind has left the chat**_

**SexPistol: **I'm going to the beach. Wanna come stare at my hot bod while other girls viciously envy you, Annie?

**FinisLife: **Okay!

_**SexPistol has left the chat**_

_**FinisLife has left the chat**_

**Catostrophic: **Thresh? Shall we proceed to do something?

**ForceLine: **I can make popcorn and chocolate covered strawberries and we can watch Supernatural on Netflix?

**WonderfullySneaky: **Can I come?

**Catostrophic:** If you want.

**ForceLine: **I'm on it.

_**ForceLine has left the chat**_

_**WonderfullySneaky has left the chat**_

_**Catostrophic has left the chat**_

* * *

**I tried something different. Do you want me to go back to Facebook Posts or do you like this better? Or do you want me to try something new? Or do you want me to stop writing these because they're not funny?**

**Also, sorry that it's been so long. My computer had (and still is having) issues. I had to write this seven times because it kept force crashing. Probably why it's not as funny. But I hope you enjoy anyway! Love you all! Thanks for reading!**


	9. Unorthodox

**PLEASE READ: Some serious dirty stuff goes down in this chapter. I'm warning you. If you don't like M rated stuff, come back next week when I've returned to my clean and orthodox humor. **

**If you want to continue, then by all means.**

**Hunger Games Facebook: Unorthodox**

**Katniss Everdeen is **going to share a story with you. I am walking home from school, right - yeah, I started going back because my mom wants me to live a normal life - and I decide to drop by the slag heap and scream at any girls sucking on Gale's face. Just 'cause. So I turn down Lovers Lane, I'm walking towards the slag heap, and I see my own little sister kissing Rory Hawthorne. Rory, I want you to know, if my sister is pregnant, I will kill you.

**Haymitch Abernathy, Johanna Mason, Finnick Odair and 17 others like this**  
**18 comments**

**Primrose Everdeen:** Katniss... kissing doesn't get you pregnant.  
**Mrs. Everdeen:** HA.  
**Rory Hawthorne:** Kissing can't get you pregnant, because if that was true, all of the adult couples on Facebook would have like thousands of children. Kissing can't get you pregnant.  
**Katniss Everdeen:** I STILL DONT WANT YOUR DISGUSTING LIPS ALL OVER MY SISTERS INNOCENT FACE YOU PEDOPHILE  
**Rory Hawthorne:** We're... we're the same age.  
**Gale Hawthorne:** AND AT LEAST ONE OF US CAN NAIL AN EVERDEEN  
**Mr. Everdeen:** No one is 'nailing' anyone, young man.  
**Primrose Everdeen:** It was a kiss. Everyone needs to calm down.  
**Katniss Everdeen:** I SAW HIS TONGUE IN YOUR CHEEK  
**Primrose Everdeen:** Katniss pls dont do dis  
**Mr. Everdeen:** I'm disappointed in you, Prim.  
**Primrose Everdeen:** Daddy pls  
**Mrs. Everdeen:** I've raised you better than this.  
**Primrose Everdeen:** Mom pls  
**Rory Hawthorne:** Oh my god we are fourteen if we want to kiss, we'll kiss! It's not a big deal! You don't see mom freaking out!  
**Hazelle Hawthorne:** Oh I am. I just know better than to share my business online. Home, young man. Now.  
**Rue:** I've kissed boys. And girls. Mostly boys. Some girls. Does it matter?  
**Thresh:** WAIT WUT

* * *

**Annie Cresta is **tripping balls. Not in the hallucinogenic way. I'm just flipping my shit. Omfg. Omfg. I can't believe this. Okay. So, I head over to Effie's house for our weekly POTR meeting. Every Friday night at exactly four pm. Haymitch is always out with Chaff having beers at this exact time, he's NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HOME. I OPEN THE DOOR BECAUSE HEY, EFFIE'S EXPECTING ME ANYWAYS. And guess what? GUESS MOTHERFUCKING WHAT? THOSE TWO ARE GOING AT IT. I MEAN, COUCH ROCKING HARD. SHE'S SCREAMING. HE'S SCREAMING. I'M SCREAMING. WE'RE ALL SCREAMING BUT LET ME TELL YOU ONLY TWO OF US ARE SCREAMING FROM PLEASURE. IM GOING TO CRY. I SAW HAYMITCH'S NAKED BUTT. WHERE DO I GO AFTER THIS? I DON'T KNOW? I DON'T KNOW.

**Finnick Odair, Johanna Mason, Katniss Everdeen and 10 others like this.**  
**14 comments**

**Effie Trinket:** Oh my god.  
**Haymitch Abernathy:** You can't be serious! Do you know how many times I've seen you and Finnick bumping uglies or Johanna and Boggs getting frisky? Hell, I walked in on Cinna and what's-her-face twice! Can I have this one moment with my wife without everyone making a big deal?  
**Finnick Odair:** Yeah but we're young. I mean, sure, Effie's barely pushing 33 but you're like... 42. It's gross. It's like watching our father have sex with our mom's hot best friend. It's just weird.  
**Effie Trinket:** Am I supposed to be complimented or insulted?  
**Haymitch Abernathy:** Look, Annie, I'm sorry you walked in. But I'm not sorry I was having sex on MY COUCH in MY HOUSE.  
**Johanna Mason:** I have only one question.  
**Annie Cresta:** What?  
**Johanna Mason:** Is he hung?  
**Finnick Odair:** I'm going to be sick.  
**Boggs:** Oh babe pls  
**Johanna Mason:** Effie?  
**Effie Trinket:** I'd rather not.  
**Johanna Mason:** That's all I need to know. He's totally hung.  
**Haymitch Abernathy:** I hate all of you.

* * *

**Coriolanus Snow is **mildly offended. I always thought that we really had something, Seneca. I though you'd be the Cato to my Thresh. The Annie to my Finnick. The Boggs to my Johanna. The Effie to my Haymitch. The Prim to my Rory. The Peeta to my Katniss. I always thought we'd be together forever. I guess not. Well here's to all my single ladies: I am strong and independent and I don't need no man.

**Plutarch Heavensbee likes this|**  
**35 comments**

**Katniss Everdeen:** Don't use my name for your comparison. - **Johanna Mason, Boggs, Annie Cresta and 7 others like this comment**  
**Seneca Crane:** Let. It. Go.  
**Primrose Everdeen:** let it gooooooooooooooo let it goooooooooooo cant stand you anymoooooooooooooooooooore. I dont caaaaaaaaaaare if you haaaaaaaaaaaaave gaaaaames. let the storm rage on! your face always bothered me anyway - **Rue, Rory, Annie Cresta and 10 others like this comment**  
**Coriolanus Snow:** NEVER.  
**Effie Trinket:** I know I'm going to regret this but... what happened?  
**Seneca Crane:** It's not that serious.  
**Coriolanus Snow:** It's a disgusting act.  
**Seneca Crane:** I am a womanless man, I have nothing better to do!  
**Annie Cresta:** Do we want to know? **\- Johanna Mason, Haymitch Abernathy, and 5 others like this comment**  
**Coriolanus Snow:** But Neca!  
**Boggs:** I think I know what happened.  
**Finnick Odair:** We've all done it in our lowest points.  
**Thresh:** Women think it's gross.  
**Cato:** You think it's gross.  
**Thresh: **babe pls  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **In your loneliest hour...  
**Peeta Mellark:** Seneca, did Snow catch you rubbing one out?  
**Johanna Mason:** Oh that's fucking gross. - **Annie Cresta, Thresh, Effie Trinket and 7 others like this comment**  
**Seneca Crane:** IT WAS A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS  
**Coriolanus Snow:** GROSS DUDE  
**Katniss Everdeen:** Seneca, don't you really like anime?  
**Seneca Crane:** Katniss pls  
**Boggs:** Broooooooo  
**Peeta Mellark:** We never go there!  
**Gale Hawthorne:** YOU'RE FORGETTING BROCODE.  
**Haymitch Abernathy:** That wasn't just a moment of weakness. That was a moment of desperation. **\- Peeta Mellark, Gale Hawthorne, Boggs and 5 others like this comment**  
**Thresh**: Oh gross... that's worse than getting caught bumping uglies!  
**Effie Trinket:** LET. IT. GO.  
**Katniss Everdeen:** That's worse than walking in on your sister.  
**Primrose Everdeen:** Katniss STAHP  
**Rue:** What? What is it?  
**Seneca Crane:** Yeah, what is it?  
**Finnick Odair:** It was hentai... wasn't it?  
**Rue:** What's hentai? No, don't tell me. I'll Google it.  
**Thresh:** RUE NO

* * *

**To clarify: I have nothing against anime or hentai. I was just thinking like the characters would in a situation such as this. Personally, I don't watch anime, but I know a bunch of kids in the anime club at my school say hentai is about the lowest you could go when you're lonely. I took that and threw it into the HG. I didn't mean to offend or anything.**

**Okay, so now that I've gotten past that ^, what did you think of this chapter? I had a few laughing moments while writing it, but that's because my humor falls back on dirty jokes and weird puns. I don't know about you. It's not going to always be like this. I'm trying to find raw and new material, so these next few chapters are just me testing the waters with you guys and seeing where I can and can't go with the story. That way I can map out plans, plots, and themes for the following chapters. So sorry if it gets a little wonky and weird.**

**Please, if you don't like this chapter, feel free to tell me so. Of course, I'll keep it up in case someone else comes along and does like this sort of humor, but I'll go back to writing T rated stuff if you don't like it. And even if you do like it, I think it's cheap to make an entire story out of dirty jokes and filth, so I won't be writing these often. Every once in a while, maybe. **

**Leave your thoughts below, let me know.**


	10. Secrets

**Hunger Games Facebook: Secrets**

**Finnick Odair **let's play Secrets! You share your biggest secrets down in the comments section for twenty-four hours. On the second day, I take the post down and anyone who hasn't seen it will know. Starting now, at 8:00 EST, go!

**Annie Cresta, Johanna Mason, Boggs and 145 others like this**  
**29 comments**

**Annie Cresta:** Sometimes when I'm alone I lather in baby oil and squirm on the floor like a slug.  
**Johanna Mason:** My favorite color is pink.  
**Boggs:** When I was a little boy, I wanted to be a girl.  
**Katniss Everdeen:** I once went streaking through town. Some people took pictures.  
**Peeta Mellark:** My middle name is literally Bred.  
**Gale Hawthorne:** I've watched Katniss take a bath. Twice.  
**Primrose Everdeen:** I once kissed a rat.  
**Rory Hawthorne:** I eat dirt sometimes.  
**Finnick Odair:** I'm extremly self-conscious and I'm an emotional wreck 23/7, with one hour for snack breaks.  
**Haymitch Abernathy:** I once vomited on someone during sex.  
**Effie Trinket:** Seneca Crane and I once had sex. Worse three minutes of my life. - Haymitch Abernathy likes this comment  
**Madge Undersee:** My mom was really paranoid and she thought Satan would rape me in my sleep so she used to make me wear butt plugs.  
**Cato:** I... I don't think I can top Madge but I used to fantasize about Gale until I realized what a creep he is.  
**Thresh:** I almost had a pregnancy scare with Foxface.  
**Foxface:** I almost had a pregnancy scare with Thresh.  
**Cinna: **I secretly fantasize about Portia but I don't want to hurt my girlfriend's feelings.  
**Portia:** I've never a kissed a boy before AND WHaT?  
**Venia:** Octavia and I have been having affair for six months.  
**Finnick Odair:** These are getting pretty dark...  
**Coriolanus Snow:** I tried to get Seneca to sleep with me but it turns out he only likes girls.  
**Seneca Crane:** Sometimes I drag my butt around on the carpet like a dog.  
**Finnick Odair:** Okay wut  
**Alma Coin:** I've been getting instructions from Effie and Annie on how to look pretty so Snow would notice me.  
**Effie Trinket:** I tell her to lose the bob but does she listen? Of course not!  
**President Paylor:** I can fit a whole corndog down my throat without gagging.  
**Gale Hawthorne:** Go ooon.  
**Katniss Everdeen:** She's like, three times your age. Gale, chill.  
**President Paylor:** Well... I'm not that old.  
**Finnick Odair:** OKAY. That's enough of the secret game.

* * *

**Foxface **Someone asked me to elaborate on the pregnancy scare I had with Thresh. So, it was this huge party that Peeta was throwing for everybody. But it was a couples only party. At the time, Cato and Thresh weren't dating so Thresh asked if I wanted to go with him. What we DIDN'T know is that the couples would be expected to play 7 minutes in heaven. One thing led to another and... welp, that's history.

**Effie Trinket, Katniss Everdeen, Johanna Mason and 4 others like this.**  
**3 comments**

**Johanna Mason: **So how did you figure out you weren't knocked up?  
**Foxface: **I waited a couple of months and realized I wasn't getting any fatter.  
**Johanna Mason: **Nice.

* * *

**Alma Coin **Effie said she's not gonna let be a 'lil bitch' anymore, and that I need to woman up. Snow, date me yeah? Or I'll nuclear bomb the Capitol.

**Effie Trinket and Annie Cresta like this**  
**16 comments**

**Coriolanus Snow:** Wut.  
**Effie Trinket:** What have I said about nuclear bombing things?  
**Alma Coin:** That it's not okay.  
**Effie Trinket:** Atta girl.  
**Annie Cresta:** C'mon Snow, consider it. You two are a lot alike.  
**Alma Coin:** Yeah. We both hate the Everdeen girl.  
**Primrose Everdeen:** Wut.  
**Katniss Everdeen:** I think they mean me  
**Coriolanus Snow:** Shut up Katniss.  
**Alma Coin:** Shut up, Miss Everdeen.  
**Katniss Everdeen:** I came out to have a good time and I am honestly feeling so attacked right now tbh  
**Coriolanus Snow:** I'll only date you if you promise we can get icecream.  
**Alma Coin:** I love icecream!  
**Coriolanus Snow:** With Sprinkles?  
**Alma Coin:** Sprinkles are for winners.  
**Coriolanus Snow:** No, it's cool, I understand.

* * *

**Peeta Mellark **If I get one more motherfucking message about 'Pita Bread' I am going to commit mass genocide. I swear.

**Katniss Everdeen, Gale Hawthorne and 10 others like this.**  
**15 comments**

**Johanna Mason:** Hey, don't get too fired up. I don't like my pita crispy.  
**Finnick Odair:** Be careful not to stand too close to your girlfriend too.  
**Peeta Mellark:** Stop it. Please.  
**Gale Hawthorne:** HAHAHA YOUR NAME IS BREAD  
**Johanna Mason:** Thank you for your contribution.  
**Madge Undersee:** Peeta, you have to admit they're a... RYE-ot.  
**Gale Hawthorne:** HAHAHA BREAD RELATED PUNS  
**Finnick Odair:** You're on fire tonight, Gale.  
**Madge Undersee: **You know who else will be on fire? Pita Bred, if he doesn't watch himself around Katniss.  
**Gale Hawthorne: **HAHAHAHA PITA ANGRY ABOUT BREAD JOKES  
**Madge Undersee: **Really know how to make someone proud, don't you Gale?  
**Peeta Mellark: **ALL OF YOU SHOULD GO DIE IN A HOLE.  
**Johanna Mason: **Donut hole?  
**Gale Hawthorne: **HAHAHAHA MORE BREAD PUNS  
**Johanna Mason: **Look at you go, Gale. Aren't you the clever one?

* * *

**Haymitch Abernathy **To clarify: I only threw up because I was on one of my forced appointments and the lady's breath smelled like she'd been drinking sewage and eating ass. She tried to kiss me and I sort of... got sick. She liked it anyway, which was weird...

**Effie Trinket, Johanna Mason and 15 others like this.**  
**8 comments**

**Johanna Mason: **I'm gonna start calling you Chunks.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **He ever spew chunks at you while you're getting freaky, Effs?  
**Effie Trinket: **No... no I would have left him by now if he did. To be fair, Aeliana is a disgusting woman.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **She never knows how to shower. Ever.  
**Finnick Odair: **I can actually back him up on this.**  
Johanna Mason: **Doesn't mean I ain't calling him Chunks.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Fine, Mason. I'll let you have this one. Pinky.  
**Johanna Mason: **I will kill you and your precious wife.

* * *

**Next On HGMFB: Our beloved Characters come face to face with their alternate realites.**

**So how did you like this one? I don't know... it's okay. Nothing really funny to me, but then again, my humor does fall back on sex jokes. I sprinkled them throughout, but tried to keep it mostly clean. **

**I hope you liked! Thank you for reading, R&amp;R!**


	11. Alternate Realities

**Hunger Games Facebook: Alternate Realities**

**Effie Trinket **Team Edward or Team Jacob? Team Carlisle!

**Haymitch Abernathy: **OMG shut up about that book already. This is the third time this week.  
**Effie Trinket: **Jealous, love?  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Tired of hearing about Twishit.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **HAYMITCH HOW DARE YOU CALL THE GREATEST BOOK EVER WRITTEN 'SHIT'?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **PRIM.  
**Rue: **Does anyone else realize that we're probably the greatest book ever written considering that it's our home-book?  
**Primrose Everdeen: **Haven't we talked about fourth walls, Rue?  
**Rue: **Yes...  
**Primrose Everdeen: **And what have we talked about?  
**Rue: **Don't go breaking the fourth wall, yeah I know.  
**Carlisle Cullen: **Who are you people?  
**Effie Trinket: **O. M. G.  
**Esme Cullen: **Is that THE Haymitch Abernathy?  
**Carlisle Cullen: **Esme...  
**Edward Cullen: **Can. We. All. Meet. Up. Somewhere? I'd. Rather. Not. Do. This. Where. All. Of. The. Crazy... Fangirls. Can. See.  
**Rue: **...  
**Primrose Everdeen:** ?  
**Rue: **How come he doesn't get scolded about the fourth wall? No fair.

* * *

**Katniss: **MockingjayonFire  
**Peeta: **BakeronFire**  
Effie: **LipstickPrincess**  
Haymitch: **AlcoholicMastermind**  
Gale: **IMSTILLINLOVEWITHKATNISS**  
Esme: **MotherofLife**  
Carlisle: **EdwardNo**  
Edward: **ShineBright**  
Bella: **LikeADiamond**  
Jacob: **IMSTILLINLOVEWITHBELLA**  
**

* * *

**EdwardNo: **So anyways

**AlcoholicMastermind: **I like your username. It describes the entire book series.

**EdwardNo: **Yes, you should change yours to 'KatnissNo'. It'd make sense.

**AlcoholicMastermind: **I'll take it into consideration.

**EdwardNo: **Thanks.

**MotherofLife: **Soooo... Haymitch... how's the single life treating you?

**LipstickPrincess: **I could ask the same for Carlisle.

**MotherofLife: **But he's obviously married. It's book canon. Duh. Unlike a certain relationship.

**LipstickPrincess: **Manners, young lady. Oh, that's right. You were raised like a trashy skank, probably don't have any manners.

**MockingjayonFire: **I lit thought Bella and I would hate each other. Not Effie and Esme.

**LikeaDiamond: **Esme has had a crush on Haymitch since she read the books.

**MockingjayonFire: **Funny, because Effie has been obsessing over Carlisle since she watched the movies.

**LikeaDiamond: **I hate the world sometimes.

**MockingjayonFire: **OMG same.

**LikeaDiamond: **Does your boyfriend constantly piss you off?

**MockingjayonFire:** SPIRIT ANIMALS MUCH?

**LikeaDiamond: **Let's go brood over our terrible lives, yeah?

**MockingjayonFire: **YAS.

_**LikeaDiamond has left the chat.**_

_**MockingjayonFire has left the chat.**_

**BakeronFire: **Katniss wait, I didn't get to tell you that I love you.

**ShineBright: **Same. Babe. Come. Back.

**BakeronFire: **Why do you type like that?

**ShineBright:** What. Are. You. Talking. About?

**BakeronFire: **Like that! You just did it!

**ShineBright: **I. Type. How. I. Talk.

**BakeronFire: **Oh. Weird.

**ShineBright: **You're. Weird.

**BakeronFire: **Edward, no.

**EdwardNo:** You rang?

**BakeronFire: **No. Not yet, at least.

**EdwardNo: **K.

**IMSTILLINLOVEWITHKATNISS: **I HATE YOU PEETA BRED.

**IMSTILLINLOVEWITHBELLA: **I HATE YOU SHINY VAMPIRE BOY.

**IMSTILLINLOVEWITHKATNISS: **BEST BUDS 5EVER?

**IMSTILLINLOVEWITHBELLA: **YES.

**IMSTILLINLOVEWITHKATNISS: **WANNA GO HUNTING?

**IMSTILLINLOVEWITHBELLA: **WHAT DO YOU HUNT?

**AlcoholicMastermind: **GALE NO.

**IMSTILLINLOVEWITHKATNISS: **WILD DOG. SOMETIME WOLF, IF THE TIMES ARE TOUGH AND THE WINTER IS HARSH.

**EdwardNo: **Oh my god.

**EdwardNo:** What else haven't you told me about your little family, Abernathy?

**AlcoholicMastermind: **THE FIRST MAN THATS MY AGE THAT I ACTUALLY GET ALONG WITH AND GALE FUCKS IT UP. DAMNIT GALE, YOU ASS.

**BakeronFire: **Chaff?

**AlcoholicMastermind: **I see Chaff one month out of the year.

**BakeronFire: **Right.

**EdwardNo: **What else do you hunt?

**AlcoholicMastermind: **Nothing else. Wild turkeys, deer, squirrels... I've never eaten wild dog, myself, that's just Gale the boob over there.

**LipstickPrincess: **That's an insult to boobs.

**MotherofLife: **You're an insult to boobs.

**LipstickPrincess: **That doesn't make any sense.

**MotherofLife: **I don't care. Your entire marriage doesn't make any sense.

**LipstickPrincess: **OKAY MISSY I'M SICK OF YOUR SHIT.

**AlcoholicMastermind: **Oh lord, don't ruin this for me guys.

**MotherofLife: **THEN LET'S GO, BITCH

**LipstickPrincess: **YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS AN INSULT TO BOOBS? YOURS. IT'S OBVIOUS THEY'RE NOT REAL.

**EdwardNo: **They're... they're pretty real.

**MotherofLife: **WHEN WERE YOU BORN AGAIN? 200 BC?

**AlcoholicMastermind: **She's what, thirty-two? I wouldn't say she's old. Besides, you've been alive for centuries.

**LipstickPrincess: **NOPE. MAYBE YOU GOT ME CONFUSED WITH THE LAST TIME A MAN WAS ABLE TO LOOK AT YOU WITHOUT VOMITING.

**EdwardNo:** I don't vomit.

**MotherofLife: **Haymitch, honey, be honest. Isn't a pruney old hag like her getting to be a little boring?

**EdwardNo: **But... I'm right here...

**LipstickPrincess: **And Carlisle, honey, let's be completely honest. Don't you ever think that maybe something about her seems a little fake... like I don't know... everything.

**AlcoholicMastermind: **ENOUGH. EFFIE. ESME. STOP. PLEASE. GOD.

**BakeronFire: **Not you too, Haymitch!

**ShineBright: **Rock. On. Old. Dude.

**AlcoholicMastermind: **I need a drink. Maybe I'll go drink the rubbing alcohol so I go blind. I'm so done with this shit.

_**Alcoholic Mastermind has left the chat**_

**LipstickPrincess: **LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE, ESME. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.

**MotherofLife: **I AM.

_**LipstickPrincess has left the chat**_

**EdwardNo: **We could have been a little nicer, hmm?

**MotherofLife: **... yes.

**EdwardNo: **We're acting like we're only ten years old and not over a hundred, aren't we?

**MotherofLife: **...yes.

**EdwardNo: **I'm driving us to the Abernathy residence and you're going to apologize, young lady.

**MotherofLife: **Okay, whatever, gosh.

_**EdwardNo has left the chat**_

_**MotherofLife has left the chat**_

**ISTILLLIKEBELLA: **YOU HUNT DOG STILL?

**ISTILLLIKEKATNISS: **YES.

**ISTILLLIKEBELLA: **THATS OKAY. WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS.

**ISTILLLIKEKATNISS: **YAY

**ISTILLLIKEBELLA: **WANNA CATCH DINNER?

**ISTILLLIKEKATNISS: **WHY NOT HUNT IT?

**ISTILLLIKEBELLA: **THAT'S WHAT I MEANT.

**ISTILLLIKEKATNISS: **THEN OH. YEAH. OKAY.

_**ISTILLLIKEBELLA has left the chat**_

_**ISTILLLIKEKATNISS has left the chat**_

**BakeronFire: **And then there were two. Y'know, last time I got left here because everyone had prior plans?

_**ShineBright has left the chat**_

**BakeronFire: **What is love? Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more, no more. What is love?

_**BakeronFire has left the chat**_

* * *

**I don't watch Twilight. I wouldn't know if I got the characters right. I just used the characters that I knew personally.**

**Also, did you like the twist I did on the whole 'Alternate Realities' thing? It took me forever to figure out how I wanted to do this. **

**I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading! R&amp;R, please!**


	12. Sibling Rivalry

**Hunger Games Facebook: Sibling Rivalry**

**Katniss Everdeen has **HAD ENOUGH. THATS IT, MOM AND DAD. IM SICK OF THIS... THIS MINDGAME YOU PLAY. RIGHT HERE, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY 13343424232 FOLLOWERS AND MY 54673323423786987 FRIENDS. WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE: ME OR PRIM?

**Cato, Thresh, Peeta Mellark, Primrose Everdeen and 123 others like this  
26 comments**

**Rue: **I have terrible fights with my siblings over this, but I'm really excited to find the answer.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **Literally, same.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Well? Mom? Dad?  
**Mr. Everdeen: **You.  
**Mrs. Everdeen: **Prim.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **WAIT WHAT DAD  
**Katniss Everdeen: **MOM  
**Mrs. Everdeen: **I'm sorry if I like the daughter that didn't get her sister blown up.  
**Mr. Everdeen: **Tbh Prim I don't even know you we should talk more Rate: 5 or 6  
**Primrose Everdeen: **Daaaaaaad this isn't faaaaair! I'm the youngest, so I'm the favorite!  
**Katniss Everdeem: **You heard the man, he doesn't even know you, you soggy sock**.**  
**Rue: **Buuuuuuuuuuuurn.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **Oh yeah? You cold chicken nugget!  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Saltless peanut  
**Primrose Everdeen: **Useless walnut  
**Katniss Everdeen: **You half frozen waffle  
**Peeta Mellark: **LADIES. LADIES. PLEASE. RELAX. THE PEETMISTER IS HERE, YOU CAN TELL HIM ALL YOUR PROBLEMS.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Go away, Peeta.** \- Primrose Everdeen likes this comment**  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Don't like my comments, you tumor baby!  
**Primrose Everdeen: **MOOOOOOM. KATPISS EVERMEAN MADE FUN OF MY C-SECTION AGAIN!  
**Mrs. Everdeen: **Girls... please.  
**Mr. Everdeen: **I change my mind.** \- Mrs. Everdeen likes this comment.**  
**Mr. Everdeen: **Gale is my favorite child welcome to the family Gale.  
**Gale Hawthorne: **ALRIGHT  
**Katniss Everdeen:** I'M RUNNING AWAY.  
**Primrose Everdeen:** I HATE YOU.

* * *

**Thresh **I've never really had a sibling rivalry. Me and Cuntsickle get along fine.

**Cato, Katniss Everdeen, Primrose Everdeen and 12 others like this**  
**33 comments**

**Katniss Everdeen: **Thresh, that's no way to talk about your sister.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **You literally just called me a half frozen waffle.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **That's different.  
**Primrose Everdeen:** Katniss y u do dis  
**Peeta Mellark: **You just don't talk about your sister like that, man.  
**Johanna Mason: **Even I didn't call any of my 8 siblings that.  
**Boggs: **Darling, did your parents had a TV?  
**Johanna Mason: **My parents didn't have cable.  
**Boggs: **Right.  
**Peeta Mellark: **Where's your decency?  
**Thresh: **What's the big deal?  
**Cuntsickle: **Yeah, what's the big deal**?  
Katniss Everdeen: **Oh... your sister... her name is... oh.  
**Johanna Mason:** WHY KIND OF NAME IS CUNTSICKLE. THAT'S A TERRIBLE NAME. WHY?  
**Cuntsickle:** Hey, fuck you.  
**Johanna Mason: **Who's next, Douche Nozzle?  
**Cuntsickle: **That's my father's name, yes.  
**Johanna Mason: **Bye.  
**Peeta Mellark: **Im srry but ur name is stoopid  
**Peeta Mellark:** Omg sorry, I got hacked. My brother.  
**Thresh: **I don't believe you.  
**Peeta Mellark: **I did!  
**Thresh:** I'll kick your ass, 12.  
**Peeta Mellark: **But... I... okay.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **I think your name is lovely, Cuntsickle.  
**Cuntsickle: **Hahahaha. You thought Cuntsickle was my real name?  
**Iris: **No. My name is Iris. Hahaha. Fooled ya.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **This is a train wreck.  
**Thresh: **My grandfather was hit by a train.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **HAHA. Get real.  
**Thresh: **No, he literally was.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **I'll leave now.

* * *

**Peeta Mellark **I don't know what sibling rivalry is! My brother's all love me! MY ENTIRE FAMILY LOVES ME.

**Gale Hawthorne, Katniss Everdeen, Barley Mellark and 245 others like this**  
**16 comments**

**Mr. Mellark: **And we're so proud of you, son.  
**Barley Mellark: **Lol wutevr buttface no1 lks u  
**Rye Mellark: **'Laugh out loud, whatever buttface, no one likes you.'  
**Barley Mellark: **U shd go st on a dck  
**Rye Mellark: **"You should go sit on a dick."  
**Barley Mellark: **Oh rght u alrdy sit on your gfs dck lol cx  
**Rye Mellark: **'Oh right, you already sit on your girlfriend's dick, laugh out loud, smiley face.'  
**Mrs. Mellark: **YOU PIECE OF SCUM TRASH  
**Peeta Mellark: **Aw, I love you guys too!  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Peeta, I don't think this is out of love.  
**Peeta Mellark: **WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT KATNISS THEY LOVE ME YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE YOUR FAMILY ISNT AND NEVER WILL BE AS PERFECTLY FUNCTIONAL AS OURS. I HAVE A LOVING MOTHER AND FATHER AND BROTHERS WHO WOULD GIVE THEIR LIVES TO PROTECT ME.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **CHIIIIIIIIIL  
**Barley Mellark: **lol were 2 cool 4 u Katpiss Evermean go bck 2 scum town u seam hoe  
**Rye Mellark: **'Laugh out loud, we're too cool for you Katpiss Evermean go back to scum town you seam hoe."  
**Rue: ***shots fired*  
**Thresh: **So... you weren't lying.

* * *

**Did you like? Did you hate? Sorry, I havent been on lately. I got an assload of projects going on, and I'm training for 3 different UILs (Prose, Theatre Arts, and Choir) so I'm just exhausted. But! That's no excuse. So did you like it? I wanted to try and make it funny, but I'm not a very funny person so... please, just leave constructive critism on what you think would be funny and what I should take out.**

**I hope you enjoyed! As always, R&amp;R! I love you guys *.***


	13. Competition

**Hunger Games Facebook: Competition**

**Gale Hawthorne **genuinely wants to know what Peeta has that I don't.

**Madge Undersee likes this.  
23 comments**

**Katniss Everdeen: **He's funny. Kind. Loving... just everything I could want.  
**Gale Hawthorne: **Yeah, in a girl.  
**Rory Hawthorne: **ROAST.  
**Peeta Mellark: **Says the walking talking slab of meat.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **ROAST.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Look, Gale. You have Madge - why do you insist on chasing something you can't have?  
**Gale Hawthorne: **Madge hates me.  
**Madge Undersee: **Chapter 2, 8th line, 'Gale.'  
**Peeta Mellark: **I 'member that.  
**Gale Hawthorne: **Oh lol well Madge is just joking right?  
**Madge Undersee: **kms  
**Gale Hawthorne: **Kick My... Sister? You don't have a sister?  
**Madge Undersee: **omg k ttyl Gale bye  
**Peeta Mellark: **5ever laughing because Katniss ditched her best friend of four years to be with me, a guy she barely knew.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **A guy who saved my life.  
**Gale Hawthorne: **A guy that threw muddy bread at your face.  
**Katniss Everdeen:** A guy that gave me the idea to go hunting for my family.  
**Peeta Mellark: **The guy that gave her, her first kiss.  
**Gale Hawthorne: **The damsel in distress.  
**Peeta Mellark: **Okay Gale, were you in the arena with her? Did you almost die to protect her? Was there ever a point were you weren't complaining and stopped long enough to listen to her? I mean, honestly, from what I can hear, it's the Gale Games and not the Hunger Games. Grow up, and stop being so vain. Honestly, you act like a little kid. But I'm the 'damsel'?  
**Gale Hawthorne: **...  
**Peeta Mellark: **Prim?  
**Primrose Everdeen: **Huh? Oh, ROAST.

* * *

**Plutarch Heavensbee is sympathizing with Gale because I remember the girl I had a crush on didn't want me.**

**Gale Hawthorne, Effie Trinket, Seneca Crane and Coriolanus Snow like this  
31 comments**

**Seneca Crane: **Who?  
**Plutarch Heavensbee: **If I say so, her spouse would probably murder me.  
**Effie Trinket: **Oh, it can't be that bad.  
**Coriolanus Snow: **Yeah! Come on, Tarchy. Spill dem beans.  
**Plutarch Heavensbee: **I'd rather not, sir.  
**Effie Trinket: **Please tell us.  
**Plutarch Heavensbee: **It was you.  
**Seneca Crane: **Aw, bb  
**Plutarch Heavensbee: **Not you, Seneca. Effie. I had a huge crush on Effie while we were in 13, but...  
**Coriolanus Snow: **No butsy wutsy's!  
**Plutarch Heavensbee: **Every time I tried to talk to her, her boyfriend at the time, was always near. It was like he always had murder in his eyes because some people had said bad things about her. I really did like her. I can just never match up to a barbaric, unraised, uncultured, lower class man who has no manners or does not know the proper way to treat a lady. As the saying goes - the douchebag gets the girl.  
**Effie Trinket: **Aw, Plutarch. I'm sorry.  
**Plutarch Heavensbee: **I mean, what does he have that I don't?! What kind of man constantly teases and degrades his love?! That's not love! That's abuse.  
**Effie Trinket: **Oh...  
**Haymitch Abernathy:** I can always sense when someone is talking about me, Plutarch.  
**Plutarch Heavensbee: **You said you're not my friend, so I can honestly say this - Haymitch, you are the major douchebag who does not deserve such a wonderful lady like Effie.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **ROAST.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Plutarch, you cried for three hours because Posy got dirt on your favorite sweater.  
**Plutarch Heavensbee: **It was Cashmere!  
**Cashmere: **You rang?  
**Plutarch Heavensbee: **No.  
**Cashmere:** K.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **I mean, we asked you to go out to the park and get dirty and you complained the entire day because you were wearing versache. Not to mention that you basically sobbed and ran mascara when we watched Titanic.  
**Plutarch Heavensbee: **HE DIDN'T HAVE TO DIE.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **And. I'm sorry, but when was the last time you actually got your hands dirty? Mowed a lawn? Built something? Had a good strong beer with the boys? Got really sore after a long day doing something rough and strenuous? I don't know - acted like a man? I know I used to be a drunk, but now that I'm sober, at least I do shit with myself. You sit around complaining because nothing is ever perfect for the princess.  
**Plutarch Heavensbee: **...  
**Primrose Everdeen: **R  
**Primrose Everdeen: **O  
**Primrose Everdeen: **A  
**Primrose Everdeen: **S  
**Primrose Everdeen: **T

* * *

**Clove **like Plutarch and Gale, I'm wondering how **Cato** chose the GUY THAT KILLED ME over the GIRL THAT HE GREW UP WITH.

**Plutarch Heavensbee and Gale Hawthorne like this**  
**15 comments**

**Plutarch Heavensbee: **Those posts were a mistake. Don't set yourself up like this.  
**Gale Hawthorne: **Listen to him.  
**Cato: **Clove, just delete this before Thresh sees.  
**Thresh: **Too late. Also, idk why Cato picked me over you. I just know that he did what makes him happy, and that's the most important thing of all. His happiness. Unless, you're too selfish to care about his wants and needs and the only person you're thinking about is yourself? Honestly, get off your high horse, you snobby, bratty, selfish, whiny, shit stain from hell.  
**Cato:** I'm not sure if I'm madly in love or slightly terrified.  
**Gale Hawthorne:** You should be both, tbh  
**Katniss Everdeen:** That's the most I've ever heard Thresh say.  
**Rue:** Guys, he just punched a wall.  
**Cato:** On my way, Rue. Keep him calm.  
**Katniss:** WHERE'S PRIM?  
**Rue:** Ooh, find Prim.  
**Cato: Primrose Everdeen**  
**Clove: **...  
**Primrose Everdeen:** ... that was really sweet but roast? Roast.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **ROAST.

* * *

**Rory Hawthorne **OMG I'M PLUTARCH AND MS. TRINKET WANTED TO DATE A MAN FROM ANOTHER DISTRICT SO I'M THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM. WAH WAH WAH. And I'm Haymitch and I'm mad because my wife's crush voiced his opinion, oh no, what will I ever do about my being offended? Pfft, adults are stupid.

**Primrose Everdeen and Rue like this**  
**8 comments**

**Rue: **IM CLOVE AND THE GUY I LIKED IS GAY SO IM FOREVER GOING TO BE BITTER AND BLAH BLAH BLAH and I'm Thresh and some girl ranted on Facebook about how she wanted to know why he chose me over her so I'm gonna go PUNCHING HOLES IN WALLS wah wah my boyfriend ACTUALLY HAS OTHER PEOPLE THAT CRUSH ON HIM. Pfft, not just adults.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **I'M GALE AND MY BEST FRIEND DIDN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH ME AFTER I WAS A DOUCHE AND NEVER CONSIDERED HER FEELINGS SO NOW I'M GONNA GO RANT ON FB FOR ATTENTION. It's like it runs in the Districts.  
**Thresh: **RUE. HOW COULD YOU.  
**Cato: **Rue, y u do dis  
**Clove: **You better lock your doors, 11. I'm coming for you tonight.  
**Rue:** Ooh, I'm shaking in my boots.  
**Katniss Everdeen:** This is how I know Prim and I are related.  
**Gale Hawthorne: **PRIM. YOU WERE LIKE A SISTER. PRIM Y  
**Primrose Everdeen: **Because you guys need to grow up. You're acting like Rue or Rory or I would in this situation.  
**Rory Hawthorne: **I've fallen in love with an educated woman.  
**Plutarch Heavensbee:** What has gotten into you children?  
**Primrose Everdeen: **The older folks neverending romantic conflict.

* * *

**This wasn't very funny (I tried to add funny bits, but I didn't want it to be funny) but that's mostly because it was like a bow to fanfiction. In most fanfictions (even mine, I think) everyone makes Gale really better, or if Character A leaves Character B for Character C, they make Character B really angry and bitter. Not everyone has a hard time getting over relationships. Most people don't care after a year or so, maybe less. In some fanfictions, it's been like eight years and Character B is still brooding over that one relationship. I just realized this today when I ventured into the popular character section, getting away from Haymitch for a bit.**

**On the other note, I'm really sorry. UIL is approaching rapidly and I've just been so overworked and sleepy. I'm terribly sorry .-. I'll try to update, but they're going to be REALLY spaced out until March, when UILs are over.**


	14. Pasts

**Hunger Games Facebook: Pasts**

**Johanna Mason is feeling - fuming. **Okay, who did it? Who DID THIS? I WANT TO KNOW THE CULPRITS NAME. I WANT TO KILL THEM.

**Katniss Everdeen, Primrose Everdeen, Finnick Odair and 12 others like this.  
9 comments**

**Haymitch Abernathy: **Who did what... Rocket?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Yeah, Rocket? What happened?  
**Boggs: **Rocket?  
**Johanna Mason: **So it was you two! I'm going to kill you!  
**Boggs: **What's happening? Who's Rocket?  
**Finnick Odair: **Good question, Boggs. Care to explain... Rocket?  
**Johanna Mason: **YOU CAN'T HOLD THAT AGAINST ME! I WAS WHAT, EIGHTEEN?  
**Annie Cresta: **Whatever you say... Rocket.  
**Boggs: **I'm really scared right now, someone help.

* * *

**Johanna Mason is feeling - _vindictive. _**Since you want to exploit my past, I'll exploit yours. Haymitch Abernathy used to be called Charlie. He had a puppy named Bonnie who he killed people to get back. He was obsessed over Bonnie, you don't understand. His girlfriend was killed by some guy, but he still cared more about Bonnie. He was generally, a psychopath. Finnick Odair used to be named William. Yup. William. He was a renaissance actor who pretended to be in love with Princess. Yup. The Finnick Odair used to roleplay as a Prince named William. How's that for your fresh prince? I'm still digging on Annie, but you bet your sweet tarts I'll find somethin'. And lastly, our Mockingjay herself. Used to go by Tiffany - yeah. Tiffany. A slutty nutjob who fell in love with another nutjob who was obessed with football. Oh, but it gets better. SHE. LOVES. TO. DANCE.

**Annie Cresta, Effie Trinket, Peeta Mellark and 129 others like this  
20 comments**

**Effie Trinket: **Haymitch?  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **EFFS. I can explain. Bonnie was... the perfect dog. You don't understand how much I fuckin' loved that dog. That dog was my life. My everything. Bonnie was a beautiful dog. I loved Bonnie. You don't get it. And then some stupid turds stole my fuckin' dog. They stole my Bonnie! Well... I had every right to be angry.  
**Effie Trinket: **People died, Haymitch.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **ALL FOR BONNIE'S SAKE. SHE'S A BEAUTIFUL DOG.  
**Effie Trinket: **YOU WENT TO PRISON APPARENTLY.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **BONNIE WAS WORTH IT.  
**Annie Cresta: ***clears throat*  
**Finnick Odair: **Wow ok like that was ONE TIME. I WAS FIFTEEN. LEAVE IT ALONE. DAMN.  
**Annie Cresta: **Okay.  
**Finnick Odair: **ANNIE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I WAS FIFTEEN. GOSH, QUIT DOGGING ON ME ABOUT IT I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'VE DONE REALLY SHITTY THINGS IN YOUR LIFE.  
**Annie Cresta: **Ok?  
**Finnick Odair: **I JUST THINK WE NEED SOME TIME APART RN OKAY? OKAY GOSH  
**Annie Cresta: **#triggered  
**Peeta Mellark: **Tiffany? BAHAHAHAHAHAH. OMG TIFFANY LET'S LIKE TOTALLY LIKE GO LIKE TO LIKE THE LIKE MALL LIKE OMG  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Peeta...  
**Peeta Mellark: **LIKE TIFANNY WHO LIKE IS LIKE PEETA LIKE OMG I LIKE SAID LIKE LET'S LIKE GO LIKE TO LIKE THE MALL LIKE.  
**Katniss Everdeen:** I just... I just really want to talk this out.  
**Peeta Mellark: **TIFFANY WHYYYYYYYYY LIKE  
**Gale Hawthorne: **Tiffany? Omg wut the fck?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Omg kms

* * *

**Haymitch Abernathy is **going to cry. For the first time in my life, I'm literally going to cry. Effie found Bonnie! She knows where Bonnie is! Ladies and Gentlemen, Charlie is back3e21[3enfF5GEFGERQG4QRETQ45RT5T1345T34

**Peeta Mellark, Annie Cresta, Finnick Odair and 23 others like this  
15 comments**

**Finnick Odair: **Haymitch? Haymitch, old man?  
**Annie Cresta: **... Haymitch**?  
Finnick Odair: **ANNIE QUIT STALKING ME I SAID I NEED TO BREATHE. GOSH.  
**Annie Cresta: **I... you... I mean- whatever. Haymitch?  
**Effie Trinket: **Bonnie walked all over the keyboard guys. It's okay.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **She's a sweetheart, isn't she? That's right, Bonnie's my little sweetheart!  
**Katniss Everdeen: **I thought... I thought I was your sweetheart?  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Fuck off, Katniss. It's not always about you, damn.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **:'(  
**Peeta Mellark: **You can be my sweetheart?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Fuck. You.  
**Peeta Mellark: **I came out to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now.  
**Effie Trinket _-posted a video-_  
Annie Cresta: **Is he... is he licking the dog?  
**Effie Trinket: **I've never seen him act like this... it's hillarious and I want more of it.

* * *

**Finnick Odair is **FREAKING OUT BCUZ ANNIE KEEPS STALKING ME AFTER I TOLD HER I JUST NEEDED AIR ASDFGHJKL HOW DO I GET HER TO LEAVE ME ALONE FOR RN?

**Johanna Mason, Katniss Everdeen and 2 others like this  
16 comments**

**Annie Cresta: **I said it was fine. I'm being calm.  
**Finnick Odair: **I just don't understandl... what's so hard... about... leave me alone...  
**Johanna Mason: **Yeah, chill Annie.  
**Annie Cresta: **Wha- I don't- I am chill!  
**Katniss Everdeen: **YO STOP SCREAMING IT'S NOT THAT SERIOUS  
**Annie Cresta:** I am totally not screaming. What's wrong with you?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **WHOA I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU ACT LIKE THIS ANNIE WHAT'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?  
**Annie Cresta: **Nothing! Nothing has gotten into me.  
**Finnick Odair: **That's it, I'm calling the cops.  
**Annie Cresta: **Okay look here YOU CRAP COATED MAILBOX FLAG. I SAID I WAS BEING FUCKING CALM BUT YOU PILES OF WOMBAT SHIT DON'T UNDERSTAND.  
**Johanna Mason: **I'm going to have knock her out. She's getting out of control.  
**Annie Cresta: **GO AHEAD CHICKEN SHIT PUNCH ME I WILL SWITCH YOUR APPLE JUICE WITH PISS DON'T TEST ME  
**Katniss Everdeen: **o.o  
**Annie Cresta: **AND WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT YOU UNEDUCATED LAMPSHADE  
**Finnick Odair: **Annie...  
**Annie Cresta: **I WANT YOU TO FIGHT ME YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING WALNUT. I'M OUT.

* * *

**AN: None of Annie's insults are mine. I got them off a Tumblr post.  
**

**Sorry again about the extremely long time it took to update. What do you want to see next because I'm running out of ideas here. Also, Valentine's Day is coming up! Which means our favorite couples get to have their own Facebook posts detailing what their spouses did for V-Day. So name one thing that you'd want someone to do for you on Valentine's Day, and I'll try to incorporate it into the story... if that makes sense?**

**I also want to do a collage for my best friend for Valentine's Day, so if any of you can refer me to some really Frozen and Walking Dead qoutes and fanart that'd be awesome :D**

**Thanks, and sorry again for the distance between posts! I'm trying, swearsies!**


	15. Where Is Everyone?

**Hunger Games Facebook: Where Is Everyone?**

**Johanna Mason is **going crazy. Facebook is so dead. Ugh. Yuck. Someone say something.

**Haymitch Abernathy, Peeta Mellark and 123 others like this.  
14 comments**

**Haymitch Abernathy: **Sorry 'bout it. I've been a daddy-in-training for the past couple of months. Send help.**  
Peeta Mellark: **Oh, he's overexaggerating. He's been building the furniture for him and Effie's new baby and then learning how to be a father from yours truly. It's thrilling.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **I repeat. Send help.  
**Johanna Mason: **That has got to be painful. I can barely listen to Peeta when it's vital. Yet alone for like, 12 hours a day. I'm actually sorry for once in my life.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Thank you for your condolences. Maybe I'll shove them down the boy's throat and he'll choke on them.  
**Johanna Mason: **He'd finally shut up then.** \- Haymitch Abernathy and Katniss Everdeen like this comment  
Peeta Mellark: **Katniss!11111!**  
Katniss Everdeen: **Sorry, Peeta. It's just that... you never shut up.** \- Haymitch Abernathy, Johanna Mason and 2 others like this comment  
Peeta Mellark: **I'll have you know that I do indeed know how to put the shut to the up, it's just that the world is such a glorious place and there's so much to talk about that I get excited. It's a wonderful life, isn't it ladies and gentlemen. Why just the other day, I felt Effie's baby kick! Oh boy, I was so thrilled! It was sooooooooo cute. Cute, cute, cute. I love babies. I can't wait to have babies of my own. Katniss, when are we having babies?  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **A) The day Katniss gets pregnant is the day you fall off the face of the earth. B) Point proven.** \- Mr. Everdeen likes this comment  
Katniss Everdeen: **Daddy!**  
Mr. Everdeen: **Sorry, dear. I agree with your godfather on this one.**  
Haymitch Abernathy: **Thank you.  
**Johanna Mason:** Long story short, Peeta can't shut up, Mr. Everdeen and Haymitch don't want Katniss to grow up and move on in life, and I'M STILL BORED. FML.

* * *

**Finnick Odair has** been thinking about what Johanna said. Facebook HAS been really dead recently. What's everyone been up to?

**127 people like this****43 comments**

**Annie Cresta: **Well, you know what I've been up to. I've taken up jewelry making!  
**Cashmere: **Back off.**  
Annie Cresta: **What?**  
Gloss: **You heard her. Back off.  
**Annie Cresta: **I don't understand.  
**Cashmere: **We're District One, so we're Luxury, so leave the jewelry making to the pros.  
**Annie Cresta: **B-but I don't sell my jewelry...  
**Cashmere: **Just back off, kay? Anywho, I've been doing photoshoots. Take a look. **  
Finnick Odair: **Will do. I've been teaching young children to swim, thanks for asking.  
**Gloss: **I didn't ask though.**  
Finnick Odair: **Aren't you the smart ones.**  
Katniss Everdeen: **I've been hunting. With Gale. And his new (vomits) girlfriend.  
**Madge Undersee: **I've been tagging alone with Gale, Katniss and (vomits) his new girlfriend.  
**Finnick Odair: **Who's his new girlfriend?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **She's an OC. You wouldn't like her.**  
Madge Undersee: **Her name is Caresse. She's not even from 12.  
**Gale Hawthorne: (insert heart eyes emoji here) **Did someone mention Carrie?**  
Katniss Everdeen: **(vomits)** \- Madge Undersee likes this comment  
Primrose: **I quite like, Carrie. She's really smart with poisons and medicines.  
**Enobaria: _{This Comment Has Been Removed}_  
Finnick Odair: **What?**  
Brutus: **She said nothing at all.**  
Finnick Odair: **I could've sworn she confessed to murder...**  
Brutus: **No she didn't. Right Barry?**  
Enobaria: _{This Comment Has Been Removed}_  
Brutus: **...  
**Finnick Odair: **O-kay. Anyone else? Boggs?**  
Boggs: **I've been with my family. My mother recently passed and I've been with my family.**  
Finnick Odair: **I'm sorry for your loss.**  
Boggs: **My mother hated the love of my life. I'm not sorry.**  
Clove: **I've been worrying sick. I haven't heard from Cato, Thresh or Rue.**  
Primrose Everdeen: **That's because Rue has been staying at my house. Didn't anyone see the photos we posted?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **You posted those on Instagram. Seneca, you pedo, stay away from my little sister.  
**Seneca Crane: **Wha-? Okay.**  
Primrose Everdeen: **Anyways, Rue's been at our house because Thresh and Cato are going to ~fourth base~.**  
Finnick Odair: **They're playing baseball?**  
Haymitch Abernathy: **You know damn well they're not playing baseball.**  
Effie Trinket: **Haymitch. Crib. Now. And the swear jar!**  
Finnick Odair: **Uh... kickball?  
**Johanna Mason: **You know damn well they're not playing kickball either.**  
Effie Trinket: **Swear. Jar.  
**Johanna Mason: **You don't own me lady.**  
Primrose Everdeen: **I don't know what's happening but these comments are getting long.**  
Finnick Odair: **Yeah. New post, anybody?

* * *

**Finnick Odair **Previous post continued!

**Katniss Everdeen, Annie Cresta and 195 others like this  
12 comments**

**Primrose Everdeen: **Anyways, yeah. Rue's been with me. I'll go tell her to log onto Facebook.**  
Rue: **No need.**  
Clove: **Rue! Is Cato okay?**  
Rue: **He's fine. They kicked me out of the house for a few days but I didn't feel like going back so I just... stayed with Prim.**  
Rory Hawthorne: **It's been fun.**  
Katniss Everdeen: **.**  
Finnick Odair: **Is that everyone? Is everyone accounted for?**  
Seneca Crane: ***clears throat***  
Mrs. Mellark: ***clears throat***  
Alma Coin: ***clears throat***  
Coriolanus Snow: ***clears throat***  
Katniss Everdeen: **Yup. That's everyone.**  
**

* * *

**So not funny, I know. I just wanted to get something out. I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted, I haven't had a funny inspiration lately, nor have I had any inspiration. Here's an apologetic chapter?**


	16. Rebellious Phaze (That's Intentional)

**Hunger Games Facebook: Rebellious Phaze (That's Intentional)**

**Primrose Everdeen **You don't love me? Big fucking deal. I'll never tell you, how I feel. You like my dad, you get on well? I send my best regards from hell! You know I'd rather walk alone than play a supporting role, in someone else's heart.

**Rory Hawthorne and Rue likes this  
15 comments**

**Katniss Everdeen: **Prim? What's gotten into you?  
**Rue: **Yeah, you okay?**  
Rory Hawthorne: **I don't think she's okay. What happened to you, Prim?**  
Primrose Everdeen: **YOU DON'T LOVE ME? BIG FUCKING DEAL.**  
Katniss Everdeen: **Rory, what did you do to my sister?**  
Rory Hawthorne: **What?**  
Rory Hawthorne: **Nothing, I don't think.  
**Primrose Everdeen:** I don't want to give you up, I just want to give you love.**  
Rory Hawthorne: **See?**  
Katniss Everdeen: **Prim...?**  
Primrose Everdeen: **Motherfucker she ignored them!**  
Mrs. Everdeen: **Young lady!**  
Mr. Everdeen: **She's probably having her rebellious faze. All teenagers do.**  
Katniss Everdeen: **I didn't.**  
Rue: **Are you freaking kidding?** \- Coriolanus Snow, Seneca Crane, Plutarch Heavensbee and 1346 others like this comment  
Rue: **Whoa.

* * *

**Katniss Everdeen is **outraged! What do you mean I had a 'rebellious faze'. I didn't! I swear!

**0 likes  
12 comments**

**Haymitch Abernathy:** Katniss... millions died because of you.  
**Effie Trinket: **You quite literally set the country on fire.**  
Mr. Everdeen: **You basically lead to your sister being murdered.  
**Mrs. Everdeen: **You broke out of an arena!**  
Plutarch Heavensbee: **We constructed an entire REBELLION out of THIN AIR because you couldn't keep your emotions in check.  
**Cinna: **Not to mention that you were the first ever to break two Victors out of an arena. And then go back in and break out another six.  
**Portia:** And you started the riots in District 11 with your PDA's for Rue.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **All for a good cause tho.** \- Gale Hawthorne, Peeta Mellark, Madge Undersee and 12 others like this comment  
Finnick Odair: **I DIED. DIED. DEAD. FINITO. DONE. OVER. GONE. D. E. A. D.** \- Annie Cresta likes this comment  
****Katniss Everdeen: **It wasn't a faze though! It was in good cause.**  
Portia: **omfg

* * *

**Cinna **Remember our rebellious fazes?** \- with Portia, Venia, and 7 others**

**Effie Trinket, Plutarch Heavensbee, Fulvia Cardew and 50 others like this  
23 comments  
**

**Effie Trinket: **Oh yes. It was quite the phase.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **This ought to be good.**  
Effie Trinket: **Haymitch.**  
Katniss Everdeen: **He has a point. Effie - rebellious? Ha.** \- Peeta Mellark and 12 others like this comment  
Effie Trinket: **Don't forget I nearly gave my life for your sorry ass rebellion.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Fiesty.**  
Plutarch Heavensbee posted a picture  
Effie Trinket: **Oh god. Plutarch, take it down! Right now!  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Is that... oh my god.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **For those of you who can't load the picture, it is our Effie Trinket in a pair of skin tight ripped jeans and a too little tank top, wasted off her ass, attempting to climb a barbed wire fence.  
**Rue:** That description was gold.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **How'd you get here?  
**Cinna: **Rue is my niece.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Oh yeah.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Wait what?  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **I can't believe this. Effie had a wild streak.  
**Effie Trinket: **PLUTARCH.  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Who else was this wild?  
**Cato: **Ooh, ooh, can I do the snooping? This the perfect time to use my Sherlock Holmes At Home Detective Kit.**  
Haymitch Abernathy:** Rock yourself out.**  
Haymitch Abernathy:** Get it? Because Thresh?**  
Haymitch Abernathy: **Fuck you guys, I'm funny.

* * *

**Cato **is so thrilled! Okay, I've dug up some information on our favorite adults, and I am more than happy to share with this generation.

**Katniss Everdeen, Peeta Mellark, Gale Hawthorne, and 245 others like this post**  
**63 comments**

**Cato: **Okay, let's start with our favorite adults and work our way down, yes?  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Sure.**  
Cato: **Haymitch Abernathy.**  
Haymitch Abernathy: **Fuck.**  
Cato: **When he was fifteen, he had a... 'emo phase'. And then a grunge phase at seventeen.  
**Cato posted a picture  
Haymitch Abernathy: **F**  
Haymitch Abernathy: **U**  
Haymitch Abernathy: **C**  
Haymitch Abernathy: **K**  
Cato: **During this 'emo phase', he wore his already long hair in what we know today as a 'Bieber cut' and ran around listening to the grunge music of his era. He locked himself up in his room with excessive amounts of food, slept for nearly 12 hours during the daytime, and stayed up all night finding new music to add to his mixtape. His emo/grunge phase did not end until he was twenty one.**  
Katniss Everdeen: **Skinny jeans do not fit you, Haymitch.  
**Gale Hawthorne: **How do you sag skinny jeans?  
**Johanna Mason: **You used to wear black and plaid... everywhere? Ugh. Yuck. I can imagine your prom.  
**Mr. Everdeen: **District 12 was too poor to have a prom for our seniors. But yes, I do remember Haymitch's 'emo phase'. He was quite serious about it too - he insisted that it was not a phase. Although, I don't think the whole 'grunge' phase ever ended... have you seen the man?  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **I'm cremating you.  
**Peeta Mellark: **But you used to be cute af** \- Gale Hawthorne, Madge Undersee, and 2 others like this comments  
Effie Trinket: **He still has the dimples. They show when he's laughing really hard. It's adorable.**  
Haymitch Abernathy: **I'm lighting all your houses on fire. Case closed.  
**Cato: **Next up - Plutarch Heavensbee.**  
Effie Trinket: **Oooh.  
**Plutarch Heavensbee:** Nooo.  
**Cato: **Plutarch Heavensbee, unlike others, did not have a emo or a grunge phase, but... well, an experimental phase.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **What does that mean?  
**Plutarch Heavensbee: **I'll pay you. Fifty bucks.**  
Cato: **It means he experimented with men.  
**Plutarch Heavensbee: **A hundred.**  
Peeta Mellark: **Well, he dated guys. So what?**  
Plutarch Heavensbee: On**e fifty.**  
Cato: **No. No no no no no. You've got it all wrong.**  
Plutarch Heavensbee: **TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS.**  
****Cato: **He slept around with men, and didn't stay in serious relationships with them.**  
Plutarch Heavensbee: **FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP.**Effie Trinket: **Language.**  
Plutarch Heavensbee: **You didn't say anything to Haymitch!**  
Effie Trinket: **I can't control him. Duh.**  
Cato: **Oh yes, he was a sex driven maniac. The details are gross. So we'll move on.**  
Plutarch Heavensbee: **Thank god.  
**Cato: **Okay, okay, okay, okay. Who's next... PRESIDENT SNOW.  
**Rue: **I'll say it for everyone. ~collective groaning~.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Have you been reading this whole thing?  
**Rue: **Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Oh... Okay.  
**Coriolanus Snow: **I will murder you, young man. I am the President of this fine country.  
**President Paylor: **No you're not. You may speak, Cato.  
**Cato: **Thank you Mrs. President. Okay, so let me tell you - President Snow was a twisted, sadistic man when he was a teenager.  
**Coriolanus Snow: **How much money do you want? Do you want fancy cars? A mansion? My granddaughter's hand in marriage?  
**Rosalind Snow: **No.  
**Cato: **Okay, so, like, Haymitch had his dark phase, right? But Snow... Snow was just downright creepy.  
**Coriolanus Snow: **Please.**  
Cato: **Get this. In name of the Hunger Games, he'd steal animals from all around his neighborhood and lock them in the basement for weeks on end with food or water until there was only one left. That pet got to stay with him in his pet attic, where he fed them plentiful and always played with them.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **Starving... animals...  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Prim. No.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **Starving... ANIMALS.**  
Katniss Everdeen: **PRIM.**  
Primrose Everdeen: **PRIM. SMASH.  
**Katniss Everdeen:** Oh god.  
**Cato: **Hang on there Hulk, it gets WORSE. Sometimes, he'd kill off those animals just because. No reason. Just because he good. He take them into the backyard and hack them up or he'd snap their necks and bury them. But his favorite way to get rid of them? Rat poison.  
**Coriolanus Snow: **Cato. You make it sound so sweet.  
**Katniss Everdeen: **Bye.  
**Primrose Everdeen: **SMASH GRUNT ROAR SMASH  
**Haymitch Abernathy: **Kid, where'd you get all this info?  
**Cato: **Google.


End file.
